Great Quotes

"You will never be alone with a poet in your pocket."
--John Adams

"I must judge for myself, but how can I judge, how can any man judge, unless his mind has been opened and enlarged by reading."
--John Adams

"There should be no hesitation ever about giving anyone a book to enjoy, at any age. There should be no hesitation about teaching future teachers with books they will enjoy. No harm's done to history by making it something someone would want to read."
--David McCullough, "The Course of Human Events" , 2003 Jefferson Lecturer in Humanities

Spinelli Is the Man

"He comes to know how painful a minute can be, how unbearable an hour. Though he cannot put his understanding into words, he understands that time by itself is nothing, is emptiness, and that a person is not made for emptiness."
p. 82, The Loser, Jerry Spinelli
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Jerry Spinelli is an amazing writer. He writes books marketed as young adult fiction, but don't be fooled. He really writes modern contemporary literature in the guise of young adult books.

A Little Venting.

I'm just venting here, but I'd really like to have my own classroom and teaching full time somewhere instead of substitute teaching. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity to make money and gain "experience" that future employers (aka principals, committees, etc.) will look upon fondly and hopefully help get me a teaching position. It's just that I've had a really, really bad day and I'm starting to get burned out. Maybe if I can just get that screenplay at least halfway finished by summer. Or if those darned producers will pick my application for one of those game shows or SURVIVOR.

My Favorite Movies of 2006

Last month the Oscars were held. I didn't watch them. There were several reasons for that this year, but the biggest one was that I hadn't seen any of the Best Picture nominees. Everything I've written or said about BABEL, THE DEPARTED, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, THE QUEEN, and SANDS OF IOWA JIMA was totally based off of reviews and interviews I've read and clips I've seen and general word of mouth from film critics and film reviewers I trust. I wanted to make that clear before I give my list of favorite films for last year. Another film that I didn't get to see and I wish I really had the opportunity to was PAN'S LABYRINTH. I became fascinated with the film flipping through a magazine last summer that had some pictures and a general synopsis of the story, but since I didn't see it, it won't be on the list either. So, without further ado, here are my favorite movies of 2006.

9.Talladega Nights--The film wasn't going to win any awards. I'm not even a huge fan of Will Ferrell (I like him, but Phil Hartman was more my comedian). However, I found it to be the funniest film I saw in movie theatres all year. I was quoting lines after having seen the movie once (usually it takes me a couple of viewings before I am able to quote lines like that) and in the early weeks of this current leg of substitute teaching some of those lines helped me break the ice with some students.

8.Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest--This movie was the top grossing film of the year. At one point it even looked like it might be able to dethrone Titanic from the mantle that it sits upon so undeservedly (but it didn't happen). In all honesty, the film probably isn't as good as Pirates of the Caribben: The Curse of the Black Pearl. There are moments that are clearly derivative and cliched. I was also disappointed that the film wasn't a stand alone piece. However, the movie did a great job of just being a good old fashioned high epic movie. Movies shouldn't always be made to deliver important messages or cause people to think; they're also meant to entertain (though the best films will do both).

7.Stranger Than Fiction--Fans of Will Ferrell might not actually like this movie because Will Ferrell doesn't play a usual Will Ferrell character. I really like the movie, though. It made me think about what makes life meaningful and redine my definition of a hero.

6.The Prestige--The best mystery/suspense film I saw all year (including films I watched for the first time on DVD or cable). The movie doesn't have just one twist, but two. I figured one out early on, but the other one kept me guessing. Christopher Nolan is an amazing director and he had not only a top-notch, A-list cast, but all the major actors can actully act and do a great job of it in this film. I especially enjoyed David Bowie's performance (yes, the David Bowie of music fame) as famed scientist, inventor, and rival to Edison; Nikola Tesla. Usually the simplest solution is the correct one.

5.
Lady in the Water--There were a lot of people, including many people who I often agree with in movie tastes, who did not like this movie at all. For many people, they just didn't get it. Lady in the Water is a modern day fairy tale. Plain and simple. Granted it's a bit over-the-top at times and there are certain elements that don't seem to jive upon first viewing. But, think back to when you were a kid and someone told you a bedtime story for the first time. If you had been capable of thinking about the story, there would have been lots of things that wouldn't have made sense. Sometimes that happens in fairy tales. Fairy tales aren't necessary reality. However, they are a way of understanding living, life, and how everything fits together. Also, if your a film-tech-junkie this film has some pretty impressive cinematic techniques. Shyamalan might be a control freak, but he pulls off some pretty impressive stuff that's so well done most viewers don't even realize what they've just seen.

4.Cars--upon initial release Cars was panned by critics acrossed the country and was claimed by many to be Pixar's worst movie. Some of these critics changed their tune later as the movie ended up showing in theatres until early fall, became the top-grossing animated film of the year, and was the top film of the year next to Pirates. It's easy to see why critics on the coasts hated it early on because it celebrates many of the things that we in the rest of the country love: racing, Route 66, and small towns. The movie lost the Best Animated Oscar to Happy Feet and even though I love penguins, Cars is a much better film.

3.Apocalypto--There are a lot of people who haven't seen this movie because of the sub-titles. You shouldn't let sub-titles scare you away. There are others who stayed away because the violence. Apocalypto is a violent picture, but what any basic horror picture nowadays and you'll see more blood and gore than you will here, not to mention that the violence in those pictures is completely unncessary whereas in this film its almost crucial. There are others who didn't see this film because Mel Gibson directed it. You shouldn't let that keep you away because Gibson has shown in each of the four major features that he has directed that he is an incredibly talented director. The film is in many ways a parable for our time. Parables don't just make good stories, they can also change your life.

2.Children of Men--out of all the movies I knew were being released last year, this was the one that I was anticiapting most. On a technical level, it's a masterpiece. The story is gut-wrenching. I found myself in tears at the end. There are many who would classify the movie as a tragedy of Shakespearean levels. It's not really a tragedy, because it ends in hope and in a true tragedy there can be no hope; in a true tragedy evil wins in the end. No, Children of Men is a comedy of the truest kind: one full of darkness, bleakness, violence, anguish, pain, and suffering, but in the end it fills one's heart full of faith, love, and hope.

1.United 93--the biggest surprise of the year. It's a movie about the day that changed the world forever. The performances are lifelike and real. It's the closest regular feature I've ever seen that appears to be like a documentary. The film doesn't preach a message, but illustrates how under the most distressing and horrific of circumstances ordinary people can rise up and achieve something heroic.

Honorable Mention:
As a final note, there's one movie that everyone should go see, but it's really rare to find right now. It's called Tremors 9. The movie is a horror-parody and doesn't pretend to be anything, but. I don't know if anyone will enjoy watching it, but the people making it sure seemed like they had a ball during filming.

Justin Timberlake.

Is it just me or does Justin Timberlake sound like a girl when he sings? I was riding along with my brother to the movie theatre the other day and as he was flipping through the stations he stopped at a song and said, "Guess who sings this?" I said, "I have no idea, but it sounds like a girl." He said, "Nope. It's Justin Timberlake."
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On a completely different note, at the moment one of the books I am reading is a memoir entitled ME, MYSELF, AND BOB by Phil Vischer. the guy who created VeggieTales. I highly recommend it.

Bitterness.

I've struggled with bitterness in my life before. Read a thought-provoking meditation about bitterness from Ben Witherington here.

Something or Other.

Forgive me if this all seems a little incoherent. These are just some of my thoughts I’ve been thinking about the past few days. They aren’t as structured and cohesive as I would like them to be. I don’t know if any of it will make any sense, but I learned a long time ago it helps me to write things out and I learned just a few years ago that it often helps others to read the things I’ve written.

Today I substitute taught as an aid in a special education class for students with behavior disorders. It’s in a class that I’ve worked in before. I’ve acquired many, many interesting stories from my days working there. I really didn’t want to be there today, though. My brother is home from college and we hung out last night and I didn’t get to bed until late and then it took me forever to fall asleep. I had been asleep for a little over three hours when I received the phone call asking if I could come in. I didn’t want to come in. I wanted to sleep longer. I wanted to get up late in the morning and try to do some writing until afternoon, but I’m poor and in debt and I need the money, even if I won’t see it for another month from now. So I went in. It was a hard, hard, day. It wasn’t the worst I’ve seen in my over two years of student and substitute teaching, but it’s up there in the top ten. There was so much crap that I had to shovel through that I just didn’t want to deal with, but I plowed through anyway.

I’ve been reading several books lately about teaching. Seeing that I don’t have an actual teaching position yet and I can’t afford to take graduate classes at the moment, I’ve been doing the whole self-reliance act and reading books, articles, and magazines in an attempt to “improve” my teaching (even though I don’t have a class of my own, yet).

Perhaps it’s because I had a rough day. Perhaps it’s because of the reading I’ve been doing. I’m sure part of it is because I tend to be a very self-reflective person anyway. Whatever the case, I’ve really been questioning this whole teaching thing. I look around and many of my friends and peers have successful careers and are starting families. I’ve had several conversations with several friends in the past few months who have recently bought homes. My closest friends from college are all either married or engaged. I don’t see anyway how any of those things will happen to me anytime soon. If I allow it I find myself getting jealous and that just makes it worse. So, I try to focus on the tasks at hand and be thankful, but it can be so difficult.

This was not how things were supposed to happen. Just a few scant years ago I was supposed to have moved to Orange County and started a graduate film program. At this point in my life I should have had a graduate degree in film directing and video production. I should have been living in a hip, but moderate apartment near L.A. I should have been working my way up in the film industry and be on the verge of being offered my first picture to direct. I should have had a serious girlfriend by now and be planning on when and how I was going to ask her to marry me. I should have found a literary agent by now and at least have a young adult novel on its way to being published. I should be mostly out of debt by now. This was how things were supposed to have been.

Instead I find myself struggling to earn enough cash to simply pay my bills. There’s usually just enough to go around and I know it is by the grace of God, but sometimes I find myself angry about it. Why is there never more than enough? Lines from Fiddler on the Roof (“If I were a rich man”) keep floating around my mind. I’m an “itinerant substitute teacher” moving from town to town, school to school, room to room. I usually have no idea where I’ll be from one day to the next or if I’ll even be anywhere. I’ve tried to find a part time job to help out, but most places I could work won’t have me because I can’t be reliant to work the day time hours—if I get a call to sub I’ll take it. The places that don’t care about that won’t hire me because they say “I’m overqualified”. I used to hear about that happening to people and wondered how that could be true. How can you not give a job to a person because they are “overqualified”. I still don’t understand it, but it’s happened to me several times. It can be a drain.

Yet, I do take some comfort. The nomadic existence I have both chosen and been forced to live keeps me humble. It doesn’t lessen the frustration and confusion I might feel, but it does lift my spirits somewhat.

I really have no idea where I will end up in this life. I can’t say for sure where I’ll be living in a few months. I don’t know what job or jobs I will hold and even though I feel and want to teach, I don’t even know how long that will be. I do know that despite the difficulties I face and the doubts that arise, I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing at this moment. That doesn’t make things easier either, but knowing that will allow me to sleep tonight more peacefully. Also, writing this out near the end of the day has made me feel much, much better. The panic has lifted and for now peace resides.

February 2007

Books Read:
Eragon by Christopher Paolini
If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland
Sold Out Warning by Ronnie McMullen
The Grim Grotto: Series of Unfortunate Events #11 by Lemony Snicket
America Alone by Mark Steyn
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherin Paterson
Oops: What We Learn When Our Teaching Fails Edited by Brenda Miller Power and Ruth Hubbard

Movies Viewed for the First Time:
The Happiest Millionaire
Freedom Writers
Barnyard
Mercy
Apocalypse and the Beauty Queen
Ghost Rider
Peter Pan*
Number 23
Old School
Kingdom of Heaven

February was a bit more productive for me than January 2007. However, I'm still not up to speed. Maybe it's because I'm pretty much working full time and have also been trying to do some serious writing. I don't know. Whatever the case I still didn't read as many books are see as many movies as I normally do during a month. Perhaps I'll be able to pick up the pace in March.

A few notes on some of the books I read. I really enjoyed Eragon. Yes, the novel is derivative, but all great stories are like that. Paolini tied a lot of good elements together in a unique way and brought a new variation on what is virtually a classic tale that has been rehashed throughout time (Beowulf, Wagners Ring Trilogy, or Tolkien for other examples). The paperback version of the 2nd installment of Paolini's trilogy is due in March and I plan on picking up a copy of it then and reading it. I've heard it's not as good, but I'll withhold my judgment until I read it.

I read If You Want to Write several years ago. Since I've been working on my own writing, I thought I would go back and re-read it. The book is basically one long piece of encouragement to Artists from all mediums. I really didn't remember much about it after reading it the first time and now I remember why. I don't need book-length encouragement notes. I'm looking for more practical advice and/or stories about other writers. If You Want to Write is neither.

The Grim Grotto was excellent and I'm looking forward to finishing the other two books in the series sometime soon. I really can't recommend Sold Out Warning unless you're interested in conspiracy theories and the like. The book is basically about how the Bible and UFO stories tie together. The author makes some interesting points, but I just don't buy into all of his beliefs. America Alone is worth reading, though it is written from a politically conservative spectrum. Bridge to Terabithia almost made me cry. Oops is a series of stories about teachers writing about some of their biggest failures.

As for movies, I had seen Peter Pan when I was a kid, but it was so long ago that it isn't listed on any of my lists so it was like seeing it again for the first time. Freedom Writers is a cliche-riddled movie about a teacher who is able to reach out to a group of inner-city students. I knew this and could point out all the usual devices, but it still got to me anyway. Apocalypse and the Beauty Queen is a terrible movie, but a friend of mine helped make it so we watched it at her house. Please don't waste your time doing the same. Both Ghost Rider and Number 23 were major let downs. Old School was just plain stupid. I did enjoy Kingdom of Heaven. There were points that I could obviously tell scenes had been cut out and that hurt the overall film. I know there's a directors cut available and I'm going to try to get my hands on that and see it before summer.

I don't know if I've learned much from the reading and movie-watching I've done this past month. I know that teaching is a difficult profession, but it's something I still feel called and wish to pursue. Writing is difficult, too, but if I can ever discipline myself to finish the things I start and am able to find an agent, I think I have a shot at least of getting something published. But I don't do these things for fame or glory. I do them because I like them. Until next time.

Blurb for HEROES.

I don't watch very much television. I watch SURVIVOR and THE AMAZING RACE and occasionally I am able to catch a game of JEOPARDY!. That's about it. There isn't any other shows that I watch on a regular basis. Except for one: HEROES. If you haven't seen this show, I highly recommend that you tune in the coming weeks as the first season is approaching a close (the finale will be sometime in May). I had a hunch before the new season began that HEROES was going to be The show to watch this season and I haven't been disappointed.

Take last night's episode for example. It was some of the best drama I've seen on television in a very, very long time. I'll go as far as to say that it moved me. For those who don't know, the show is about ordinary people who have discovered they have extraordinary powers. They are trying to understand what is happening to them and figure out how to use their abilities. In the meantime there are at least three different groups that are after them. One of the groups has completely good and benevolent intentions. The motivations of the other groups are unknown.

It all sounds kind of far fetched and kind of geeky, but it works extremely well. Take last night's episode, "Company Man", for example. The performance by the cast in "Company Man" is Emmy-worthy material. Actors spend their whole lives wanting to act in scenes full of powerful drama like the one last night. That happens on HEROES a lot. The show has it's roots in sci-fi, but it is grounded in reality. "Company Man" was a very important episode that illustrated many of the connections between the characters on the show. However, even if you aren't a fan of the show, you could take a lot away from the episode. In a very eloquent and meaningful way the episode dealt with issues of faith, family, and honor. It illustrated the complexity in choosing between one's duty and between doing the right thing and the consequences that happen when one is forced to choose between the two. And, as many of the other episodes this season has shown, it displayed how interconnected we really are in the world; as John Donne wrote so much better before, "No man is an island." Television doesn't get much better than that.

Cabin Fever.

There's a thunder storm going on; it's really, really cold (it might all freeze again); and I've got cabin fever.

Between Two Worlds.

The articles and links below come from a blog that I regularly read. It's called Between Two Worlds.

Browsing that blog today I came across several interesting articles today. The first two have to do with George Washington. Since it's President's Day, I think it's only fitting.

The other article I really enjoyed reading came from a guy named Ben Witherington talking about a recent discussion he had attended with Rob Bell. For those of you who don't know Bell is the pastor of a church in Minnesota (Mars Hill I believe). He's gained a reputation of being a leader of the emerging church movement. He's written a highly popular book about his faith entitled VELVET ELVIS and he has a new book coming out soon. I've quoted from Witherington's post below.

"Of course it is true that we all are sinners who fall short of the glory of God, so there is no basis for finger pointing on such issues, and everyone must in all humility deal with their own sins rather than focusing on other people's sins. A Christian approach must be that everyone is welcome to come to Christ and come into the church as they are without pre-conditions. But no one is welcome to stay as they are--- no one. They all must change, repent of their sins as needed, and strive to live in newness of life whether gay or straight." --Ben Witherington

Utah Mall Shooting

In case you haven't heard, on Monday, February 12, 2007 a Muslim teenager went into a mall in Utah and randomly starting shooting people. He killed five people and wounded four others before he was shot himself. The important thing to remember about this whole incident is that the kid was Muslim. Remember that.

Why I Hate Valentine's Day

I hate Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong. I think St. Valentine Day was a great guy. Whether he defied the Emperor and married soldiers, whether he was imprisoned because of his faith and sent a letter to the girl he fell in love with during his confinement, or whether Valentine actually did both of these, or even if Valentine was actually two men who did these things but died on the same day, I respect the ideals that St. Valentine represents. However, Valentine’s Day has very little to do with St. Valentine and it has become a day every year that I detest.

I’ll admit part of my distaste for the day is because I’m a single guy that has never had a significant other to share the day with. I see all these couples around me staring at each other and eating nice dinners and I feel jealous. It doesn’t help either that starting almost immediately after the confetti thrown at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day has hit the pavement until the midnight of February 15th I am bombarded by messages and images about Valentine’s Day, the so-called “holiday” of love. If you’re married or in a relationship, congratulations to you. However, there are millions of single people that don’t have a special person in their life. We are quite aware that we are single and we don’t need the world to constantly remind us for six weeks that we’re still single. I don’t feel I have been called to a life of singlehood and would like to be married someday. That is one of the deepest desires of my heart. But so far it hasn’t been meant to be. Currently, I am content with life, but my contentment isn’t enough for the world. Every year for six weeks I’m told repeatedly in the newspapers, on the radio, on television, on the internet, and even by some family members that if I’m not in a relationship there must be something wrong with me. That’ll cause some bitter feelings and resentment. I won’t deny it.

However, that doesn’t negate that there’s something about the whole day that is artificial and trite. If you truly love someone, there shouldn’t have to be a day each year to remind you that you love that person. If you truly love a person you should be celebrating Valentine’s Day with them throughout the year and not just on one day.

But, Valentine’s Day really isn’t about love. It’s all about money and manipulating people. It changes people. Women seem especially susceptible to the seduction. Perpetuated by greeting card, confectionary, and flower companies as well as the soft-core pornographic paperback novels they read, women come to believe that if their husband or boyfriend doesn’t do something special for them on Valentine’s Day then he doesn’t love them. “He’ll send flowers. He’ll get me that ring I’ve been wanting. He’ll take me out somewhere nice for dinner. If he really cared he’ll do this or that.” Women have been seduced into connecting their self-worth with this created “holiday”. Good men want to please their wives and girlfriends and because of their love for the women in their lives they go along with it. The gifts and messages and nice dinners are meant to be an expression of love but are really just duties performed out of doting affection and the hope of a bedroom treat later.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, but by buying into what the culture has presented us, it has very little to do about love at all.

That’s why I hate Valentine’s Day.

Comic Strips

Comic strips don't get the appreciation they deserve as an art form. So much skill and talent goes into creating a strip. They are usually either funny or deeply personal and sometimes both and if nothing else they are amusing. In a few panes a comic strip expresses what people like me take pages to put into words. Comic strips are hundreds of times shorter than a full-fledged comic book. And they are free everyday (unless you buy the collection books). Here are two comics in today's (2/2/07) paper that I related to.

This is me and my life.


Someday this will be happening to me.

January 2007

In honor of Nick Hornby, I'm going to try something different. This might be a one-time thing, it might turn into a regular feature. I don't know. Anyway. At the end of every month I'm going to list the books I read that month and the movies I saw for the first time. There will probably be some short comments as well. Hornby does this in a column for some magazine he writes for and he's gotten two books out of it so far. So, here's my January 2007.

Books Read:
Brainiac by Ken Jennings
Teacher Man by Frank McCourt

January was a slow month for me, reading wise. The first two weeks I didn't read any books (not including the usual newspaper, magazine, blogs, etc.). The first book I finished was Brainiac. It's written by Ken Jennings, the guy who won 74 games on Jeopardy! The book does tells part of Jenning's Jeopardy! story, but it's really a book that explores the history of trivia. I really liked it.

The other book I read was Frank McCourt's Teacher Man. McCourt won the Pulitzer Prize about 8 years ago for his memoir Angela's Ashes. That book is amazing and I highly recommend it. McCourt had an incredibly bleak childhood, but his writing style is so humorous and witty. Teacher Man is his 3rd book and is written in the same style as his first two. It's also a memoir, but it deals more in-depth with his thirty-year teaching career. I love McCourt's writing (he's a beautiful storyteller), but I took even more away from the book because I, too, am an English teacher.

Movies Viewed for the First Time:
The Pursuit of Happyness
The Mothman Prophecies
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time
Children of Men
United 93

I didn't watch many movies in January 2007 either. Normally I see between 10-15 movies for the first time during a month. In January 2007 I only managed seeing five. I enjoyed The Pursuit of Happyness. It's basically an inspiring film about overcoming adversity. Will Smith and his son have a great relationship though and it is their bond that makes the movie so touching.

I watched The Mothman Prophecies because I thought it was going to be about the Silver Bridge accident in 1967 that killed 26 people. If you've ever heard about the Mothman stories, you might want to check the film out, but besides that I'd stay away. It wasn't that good and having Richard Gere involved made it even worse.

Cindrella III: A Twist in Time was sent to me to review. It's okay and better than many direct-to-DVD films I've seen. However, it still had no business being made.

Children of Men. Amazing. Go see this movie. The bleak and depressing tone jars one's soul, but the movie is full of hope. Finally, I watched United 93 for the first time this month. Since the end of April I had been hearing from all sorts of sources how good the film was. Unfortunately it never came out in a theatre close enough for me to get to so I had to wait and watch the copy I bought my mom for Christmas. United 93 has largely been ignored during the award season, but it is, in my opinion, the best film of 2006. No preaching. Just a realistic depiction of one story of millions that happened on Sept. 11, 2001.

And what did I learn this path month from my reading and movie watching endeavors? The biggest thing is a message that I have been seeing repeated over and over and over the past few months. I don't know if it's something that God is trying to drill into because of what is going on in my life or if it's a prophetic message for all of us because of some dark days that might be ahead. Whatever the case, the message is this: no matter how dark, bleak, and dreary things may get, never give up because no matter how horrible things are, hope remains.

About the Academy Award Nominations.

About a week ago, nominations for the Academy Awards were announced. As a huge film buff and possibly future star and filmmaker, I would like to take a few minutes to comment on the nominations.

There wasn't any reason to nominate anyone else than Forest Whitaker because he's going to win Best Actor by a landslide. Christian Bale should have been nominated and would have been a contender, but the Hollywood establishment didn't even recognize him.

There also wasn't any reason to nominate anyone other than Helen Mirren because she's already locked in as the winner for Best Actress. I haven't seen THE QUEEN, but apparently there isn't a female performance out there that can compare to Mirren's portrayal of Elizabeth II.

Paul Greengrass should win the Best Director award for UNITED 93, but the award will probably go to Martin Scorsese because he has never won before and Marty's not getting any younger.

As for Best Picture the five films nominated were:
BABEL, THE DEPARTED, LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, THE QUEEN.

Out of all of those the only film that actually even deserves a nomination is THE DEPARTED. Hollywood likes to have a little quirky film as part of the race, so I can understand LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. As for the other three, I just don't get it. Until BABEL was nominated, I hadn't heard much positive about it. LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA is an attempt to be politically correct since it's a WWII movie told from the side of the Japanese but TORA, TORA, TORA did it better over twenty years ago and FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS is probably the better of Eastwood's two films from the past year. Helen Mirren is remarkable in THE QUEEN so her performance rightly deserves a Best Actress Award, but that doesn't mean the movie deserves a Best Picture nomination.

There are at least two films that should have been nominated. The biggest glaring omission is UNITED 93. Until about the start of November UNITED 93 was on everyone's Best Picture list. I don't know what happened in two months to change people's minds so much, but UNITED 93 should have been nominated. It's the best picture of 2006 hands down. The other blatant omission is APOCALYPTO. If anyone but Mel Gibson had been responsible for APOCALYPTO, it would have been nominated for every award in town. However, because Mel's behind it, no one wants to recognize it for the masterful achievement that it is. I know that some will ask me, what would be the other film I would rather see in the fifth slot. To be honest, I'm not sure. I just saw CHILDREN OF MEN and loved it. That would probably be my choice. Although, I've heard a lot of good comments about BLOOD DIAMOND and DREAMGIRLS, so they would have been worthy contenders, too. Even CARS would have been better than some of the other films nominated (CARS might not be the Best Picture of the year, but it is the Best Animated Picture and will win that, but it is better than some of the other nominees).

I'll be making my own favorite film list of 2006 in the near future. Keep reading and stay tuned.

Jesus Was a Jew: A Lesson in Anti-Semitism

I was subbing in a classroom the other day where every student had a behavior disorder. I’ve subbed in the class before, so I was familiar with most of the students. However, there was one student who I had never seen before. Apparently he had been in jail for over six months for a variety of crimes. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but the student was also extremely racist. In the afternoon all of us: the students, the teacher, the extra aid, and myself; gathered together for a little meeting. Someone in the class had written racist names in the backroom blackboard wall. During the course of the conversation, the student I had never seen before became highly agitated and started cursing and making comments. He also threatened another student in the class. Before he was removed from the room, he was yelling at the other student and his remarks were like, “You better tell that little fucker to shut up. See, he’s not talking to me now. What’s he doing now? Praying. Go ahead and pray to your Jewish God. Your fucking Jewish God. I don’t believe in God. Fucking Jewish bitch God. Think your God’s going to save you? There’s no God here. You’re God’s not going to save you. Fucking Jewish God. That no good Jew God.” The other student who he was yelling at wasn’t even speaking and the student isn’t Jewish. The teacher, the other aid, and myself were all a little bit stunned afterwards. In the less than five minutes the student had been ranting he had spewed forth more virulent racism than I have ever encountered before in my life. I’ve known people who are racist and I’ve actually been a victim of racism myself. But I’ve never seen a young person vomit such verbal hatred in such a short time.

Thinking about the incident later that day, I remembered something significant. Jesus was a Jew. Therefore, I guess that technically I follow a Jewish God. Having been raised in a Christian home, when I was a kid I never thought much about Jesus’ Jewishness. I guess I viewed Jesus like everyone else did, the son of a Christian God. Jesus is the foundation of my faith. He was a Christian in the purest sense of the name. It wasn’t until about twelve years ago when I was introduced to a book by Phillip Yancey entitled The Jesus I Never Knew that I thought about, considered, and accepted Jesus’ Jewishness. It’s something I’ve studied more sense then and I now accept it without any reservations.

However, thinking about yesterday’s events I realized that the way I felt in class yesterday is the way the Jewish people have been treated for thousands of years. Jews and Christians share common traditions and parts of faith, but they aren’t the same faiths. Nevertheless, there are similarities. As far as I know, I’ve never done or said anything anti-Semitic and I’ve tried to treat Jewish people the same way that I treat everyone else. I’ve read about and studied anti-Semitism, but yesterday I discovered what anti-Semitism feels like. It’s not a very good feeling, but I’m glad that I know.

Substitute Teaching in TEACHER MAN

"A failed everything. I looked for my place in the world. I became an itinerant substitute teacher, drifting from school to school. High schools called me for day-to-day work to replace sick teachers. Some schools needed me when teachers were called for long spells of jury duty. I was assigned classes in English or whatever a teacher was needed: biology, art, physics, history, mathematics. Substitute teachers like me floated somewhere on the fringes of reality. I was asked daily, And who are you today?" --Frank McCourt, TEACHER MAN, p. 178
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That is a pretty accurate description of how I feel right now.

Hope Remains.

I don't know how many people who read my writings here pay attention to the news, but there's a local story that's gaining a lot of national and even international media coverage that I felt I should mention here. On Friday, police and FBI found Ben Ownby, a 13 year old boy who had been abducted five days earlier, in an apartment in Kirkwood, MO (St. Louis suburb). Unbelievably, in the same apartment they also discovered Shawn Hornbeck, a boy who had been abducted almost five years ago when he was 11 years-old. Finding Ownby alive days after his disappearance was a blessing, but finding Hornbeck was a double blessing. The day after the discovery of the boys, the St. Louis Post Dispatch was headlined "A MIRACLE!" I can think of no other way to describe the rescue of the two boys. There are a lot of strange things about the case and as more facts are discovered, the case will become even more bizarre. I'm writing about this here because it's re-opened my eyes to a couple things.

One, I'm going to pay more attention to posters and milk cartons that have pictures of missing children on them. When I was a kid and until about half way through high school, I used to memorize those things when I would see them. Maybe it was because I watched too many episodes of UNSOLVED MYSTERIES or had seen the movie about Michael Walsh's kidnapped son one too many times. I grew up in a small town, a fairly safe town, a town that feels like something Normal Rockwell would have painted. I never had any reason to feel unsafe, but as a kid, I had a lingering dread that I would be kidnapped. When I got older that fear was replaced by the fear that could happen to my siblings. I don't remember when I stopped paying attention to missing kid flyers. I guess it was sometime in high school. This case has shown me that I need to pay attention to those things again.

The other thing I've been shown has to do with hope. Hope is a precious thing, so precious that it's one of those things that's really hard to define. Hope isn't optimism and it isn't trust, though it is tied to and similar to both of those. Hope is something unique. The world needs more hope. I wish I could say that I'm always a hopeful person, but I'm not. I've lost some hope in my life. I used to be a very hopeful person. I'm still the guy who tries to see the best in every situation. I'm a very forgiving person. I'm very easy going and amiable. However, I'm not as hopeful as I used to be. I've been battered and bruised on the journey of life. Idealist thoughts of naive youth have been replaced by the knowledge of realism. Life is hard and difficult. Sometimes very good things happen to bad people and that quite often very bad things happen to really good people. People are in pain and suffering the world over and things are just going to get worse. I see and hear people's dreams dying on the vine because of the harsh heat of life bearing down. I've lost some hope in my life, but a few days ago I gained some of it back. Two young men who had been kidnapped in friendly neighborhoods close to home were found. Like many, three days after Ben Ownby was abducted, I assumed that he was dead in a ditch somewhere. As for Shawn Hornbeck, I thought his body was lost in the Mighty Miss. The rescue of those two children proved me wrong. Yes, the world can be a terrible place and we shouldn't fool ourselves into believing that things are going to drastically improve any time soon (only Christ's return will do that). Pandora's box might be opened, but hope remains. Hope remains.
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On Friday I did something eccentric. I rented a car and drove to Springfield, Missouri to audition for SURVIVOR. I've applied for every show except the first two seasons and have only missed one episode in 13 seasons. I don't know why I'm so drawn to that show, but I am. It's an amazing, though exceedingly challenging game. I just want an opportunity to play. So, I've sent in tape after tape after tape (sometimes more than one). Last Friday I had a chance to audition in person and I took it. It's kind of crazy, but I am kind of a wild and crazy guy. I probably won't make the cut, but that's okay because hope remains.

Something About Shadows

The past few days I have been feeling really down. The car I drive, which in reality is tied to my livelihood in this plane, has a small problem (just a tiny part that is going bad) that can be fixed, but getting it fixed will require the removal of the transmission and a buttload of money that I just don’t have. Over a year after spending years back in school so I could teach in public schools and over a decade of interviews and half of century of applications, I still haven’t gotten a teaching job and am barely scraping by substitute teaching. I’ve never had a girlfriend because, mainly, every woman I’ve ever seriously contemplated beginning a relationship with has rejected me in one form or another, including my most recent failed attempt a few days ago. To top it all off, I’m currently residing back in the hometown of my roots, a place I have a deep affection tampered with scorn for. By most wordly standards (I have overcome the education gap), I am a loser. Even by the standards of those within the Church, I ain’t doing too hot.

Normally, I don’t allow myself to think about such things very often, but the last few days I have been. Combined with the mundane rituals of daily life, it became too much for me last night. I hadn’t gone running yesterday (something I have been doing 3-4 nights a week), so I took a very long walk instead.

It was a very long walk. I had a lot to think about. I had a lot to talk about with God. About halfway through the walk I took I noticed something. As I was walking I noticed that there were three shadows following me. I stopped and kind of laughed because I realized that all three shadows were my own shadows. Usually when I see a shadow of myself, there is one. On occasion there are two, but this is the first time I ever recall seeing three shadows. I’m sure it has happened before, but it’s the first time I ever noticed it; three shadows of myself at three different angles and locations on the ground, mimicking my every move. As I looked at the shadows I was reminded of the unseen war that we are all engaged in. It’s so easy to forget that. It’s so easy just to get busy with living and life that you forget about everything else. I don’t think God ever intended for us to worry about that unseen battle constantly. He wants us to live an abundant life and it’s very difficult to do that when you are consumed about every evil force behind every action, word, and thought. Yet, we are supposed to know it goes on and though we shouldn’t be consumed by it, we should be aware. After all, this is just a shadowlands that we live in right now. I forget about that sometimes and I was glad to be reminded.