Two-and-a-half
years-ago, I directed a production of TWELVE ANGRY MEN. I had a great cast and
it was truly one of the finest shows I have ever seen performed. On the opening
night of the production, the night of my directorial debut, my father died unexpectedly.
The night that was to be my greatest theatrical achievement (at the time) was
forever tainted by tragedy. I’ve thought back to that night many times because it
sums up the way I’m tempted to perceive much of what happens in my life: when
something good happens, that goodness is stolen by the arrival of something
bad. Take a couple of weeks ago.
Two
Mondays ago was not a good day. We’ve had a relatively mild winter this year,
but that Monday we had a major winter storm come through. In the midst of
driving home from a cancelled meeting, my car began acting up. Automobiles have
been the bane of my family’s existence. If we go more than six months without
some sort of mechanical automobile calamity, it’s a miracle. When the car was
looked over, at first it didn’t appear there was nothing serious. However, when
the initial repairs didn’t fix the problem, further investigation revealed
there was a hole in the transmission. Next to a motor, the transmission is the
most expensive part of a car. This was not good news, but I took things in
stride as best I could.
Around
the same time this happened, I received notice that I got an audition for a
pretty prestigious professional theatrical production in St. Louis. For an
actor who doesn’t have an agent, who doesn’t actually live in St. Louis, and
who (beyond a commercial and some industrial work) hasn’t had any paid work,
this was huge. My Mom let me use her car so I could attend this audition. The
audition went well. I was asked back for the callbacks and during those I got
to read for a specific part a couple of times. I know that the chances of
landing a role are slim, but I felt invigorated by the process and at end of
the day I left very happy and joyful.
While
driving home from the audition, I found myself behind a large semi-truck. I was
going to pass the semi when he turned into the passing lane and there, in the
middle of the Interstate, was a port-a-potty. I was faced with an imminent
threat of a head-on collision with a port-a-potty, so I swerved over and ran
over a pile of lumber that had apparently fallen from the same truck as the
port-a-potty. Later that night as I was driving home, my Mom’s car died in the
middle of the Interstate. I thought back to the port-a-potty incident and
believed the lumber was the cause for this. I ended up having to be towed and
what began as a day I had been looking forward to, turned into a very long
night.
We
found out a few days later that the port-a-potty incident had nothing to do
with the car dying. However, the car did have some sort of freakish damage to
the engine (“we have no explanation of what caused this and have never seen
anything quite like it”) and the entire engine had to be replaced. For two
days, my mother and I were completely without any transportation. For some that
might not seem like a big deal, but when you live in a rural area where there
is no such thing as public transportation and you need a vehicle to get back
and forth to work, this can pose a problem.
Some
very kind people at the church I work at let me borrow their extra vehicle for
the week and some other church people are helping me pay for the repairs. God
is providing.
So,
other than helping me clear my head by writing this out and sharing, what does
this all mean?
Well,
I’m an Eagle Scout and the Boy Scout motto is “Be Prepared”. In Scouts, you’re
taught to plan and prepare and to be ready for whatever might lie ahead.
However, there are times that no matter how much you plan and prepare, life
will throw something at you completely unexpected and standard operating
procedures just won’t apply and won’t work. What happens when you’re driving
down the Interstate of Life and out of nowhere a port-a-potty appears? What do
you do? How do you handle it?
Personally,
I’ve discovered and am discovering it is in those moments where God can really
reach out and speak to us. I’m not saying it’s easy, because it’s not. You feel
like you’ve been doing all the right things and have been following the right
path and all of a sudden you’re world starts falling apart. You feel like you’re
being punished for some sin and abandoned to struggle on your own. Yet, though,
that’s what you feel like, that’s really not what’s happening. It is in these
moments of our greatest weaknesses and vulnerabilities that God reveals himself
in powerful and nearly unimaginable ways. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve
been forced to be dependent upon others. In our self-reliant society, this is
difficult to do. Personally, I find it’s much easier to give than to receive.
However, the past couple of weeks I’ve been forced to receive. People who I
barely know have poured out love. Through their actions, I have seen God at
work and that is a truly remarkable thing.
Life
is hard. Bad things happen to good people and we don’t always know why. Yet,
despite this, God has not abandoned the world. Jesus is here and he walks among
us in the hands, feet, tongues, tools, and talents of his followers. I’m sure
there will be more things like a port-a-potty in the middle of the Interstate
that happen to me. Despite all that has happened, I can’t say for sure how I
will respond or act when an event like that happens again. However, I do know
that I will be just a little bit more at peace and just a tad less worrisome
because of what I’ve been through so far.
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