Something or Other.

Forgive me if this all seems a little incoherent. These are just some of my thoughts I’ve been thinking about the past few days. They aren’t as structured and cohesive as I would like them to be. I don’t know if any of it will make any sense, but I learned a long time ago it helps me to write things out and I learned just a few years ago that it often helps others to read the things I’ve written.

Today I substitute taught as an aid in a special education class for students with behavior disorders. It’s in a class that I’ve worked in before. I’ve acquired many, many interesting stories from my days working there. I really didn’t want to be there today, though. My brother is home from college and we hung out last night and I didn’t get to bed until late and then it took me forever to fall asleep. I had been asleep for a little over three hours when I received the phone call asking if I could come in. I didn’t want to come in. I wanted to sleep longer. I wanted to get up late in the morning and try to do some writing until afternoon, but I’m poor and in debt and I need the money, even if I won’t see it for another month from now. So I went in. It was a hard, hard, day. It wasn’t the worst I’ve seen in my over two years of student and substitute teaching, but it’s up there in the top ten. There was so much crap that I had to shovel through that I just didn’t want to deal with, but I plowed through anyway.

I’ve been reading several books lately about teaching. Seeing that I don’t have an actual teaching position yet and I can’t afford to take graduate classes at the moment, I’ve been doing the whole self-reliance act and reading books, articles, and magazines in an attempt to “improve” my teaching (even though I don’t have a class of my own, yet).

Perhaps it’s because I had a rough day. Perhaps it’s because of the reading I’ve been doing. I’m sure part of it is because I tend to be a very self-reflective person anyway. Whatever the case, I’ve really been questioning this whole teaching thing. I look around and many of my friends and peers have successful careers and are starting families. I’ve had several conversations with several friends in the past few months who have recently bought homes. My closest friends from college are all either married or engaged. I don’t see anyway how any of those things will happen to me anytime soon. If I allow it I find myself getting jealous and that just makes it worse. So, I try to focus on the tasks at hand and be thankful, but it can be so difficult.

This was not how things were supposed to happen. Just a few scant years ago I was supposed to have moved to Orange County and started a graduate film program. At this point in my life I should have had a graduate degree in film directing and video production. I should have been living in a hip, but moderate apartment near L.A. I should have been working my way up in the film industry and be on the verge of being offered my first picture to direct. I should have had a serious girlfriend by now and be planning on when and how I was going to ask her to marry me. I should have found a literary agent by now and at least have a young adult novel on its way to being published. I should be mostly out of debt by now. This was how things were supposed to have been.

Instead I find myself struggling to earn enough cash to simply pay my bills. There’s usually just enough to go around and I know it is by the grace of God, but sometimes I find myself angry about it. Why is there never more than enough? Lines from Fiddler on the Roof (“If I were a rich man”) keep floating around my mind. I’m an “itinerant substitute teacher” moving from town to town, school to school, room to room. I usually have no idea where I’ll be from one day to the next or if I’ll even be anywhere. I’ve tried to find a part time job to help out, but most places I could work won’t have me because I can’t be reliant to work the day time hours—if I get a call to sub I’ll take it. The places that don’t care about that won’t hire me because they say “I’m overqualified”. I used to hear about that happening to people and wondered how that could be true. How can you not give a job to a person because they are “overqualified”. I still don’t understand it, but it’s happened to me several times. It can be a drain.

Yet, I do take some comfort. The nomadic existence I have both chosen and been forced to live keeps me humble. It doesn’t lessen the frustration and confusion I might feel, but it does lift my spirits somewhat.

I really have no idea where I will end up in this life. I can’t say for sure where I’ll be living in a few months. I don’t know what job or jobs I will hold and even though I feel and want to teach, I don’t even know how long that will be. I do know that despite the difficulties I face and the doubts that arise, I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing at this moment. That doesn’t make things easier either, but knowing that will allow me to sleep tonight more peacefully. Also, writing this out near the end of the day has made me feel much, much better. The panic has lifted and for now peace resides.

February 2007

Books Read:
Eragon by Christopher Paolini
If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland
Sold Out Warning by Ronnie McMullen
The Grim Grotto: Series of Unfortunate Events #11 by Lemony Snicket
America Alone by Mark Steyn
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherin Paterson
Oops: What We Learn When Our Teaching Fails Edited by Brenda Miller Power and Ruth Hubbard

Movies Viewed for the First Time:
The Happiest Millionaire
Freedom Writers
Barnyard
Mercy
Apocalypse and the Beauty Queen
Ghost Rider
Peter Pan*
Number 23
Old School
Kingdom of Heaven

February was a bit more productive for me than January 2007. However, I'm still not up to speed. Maybe it's because I'm pretty much working full time and have also been trying to do some serious writing. I don't know. Whatever the case I still didn't read as many books are see as many movies as I normally do during a month. Perhaps I'll be able to pick up the pace in March.

A few notes on some of the books I read. I really enjoyed Eragon. Yes, the novel is derivative, but all great stories are like that. Paolini tied a lot of good elements together in a unique way and brought a new variation on what is virtually a classic tale that has been rehashed throughout time (Beowulf, Wagners Ring Trilogy, or Tolkien for other examples). The paperback version of the 2nd installment of Paolini's trilogy is due in March and I plan on picking up a copy of it then and reading it. I've heard it's not as good, but I'll withhold my judgment until I read it.

I read If You Want to Write several years ago. Since I've been working on my own writing, I thought I would go back and re-read it. The book is basically one long piece of encouragement to Artists from all mediums. I really didn't remember much about it after reading it the first time and now I remember why. I don't need book-length encouragement notes. I'm looking for more practical advice and/or stories about other writers. If You Want to Write is neither.

The Grim Grotto was excellent and I'm looking forward to finishing the other two books in the series sometime soon. I really can't recommend Sold Out Warning unless you're interested in conspiracy theories and the like. The book is basically about how the Bible and UFO stories tie together. The author makes some interesting points, but I just don't buy into all of his beliefs. America Alone is worth reading, though it is written from a politically conservative spectrum. Bridge to Terabithia almost made me cry. Oops is a series of stories about teachers writing about some of their biggest failures.

As for movies, I had seen Peter Pan when I was a kid, but it was so long ago that it isn't listed on any of my lists so it was like seeing it again for the first time. Freedom Writers is a cliche-riddled movie about a teacher who is able to reach out to a group of inner-city students. I knew this and could point out all the usual devices, but it still got to me anyway. Apocalypse and the Beauty Queen is a terrible movie, but a friend of mine helped make it so we watched it at her house. Please don't waste your time doing the same. Both Ghost Rider and Number 23 were major let downs. Old School was just plain stupid. I did enjoy Kingdom of Heaven. There were points that I could obviously tell scenes had been cut out and that hurt the overall film. I know there's a directors cut available and I'm going to try to get my hands on that and see it before summer.

I don't know if I've learned much from the reading and movie-watching I've done this past month. I know that teaching is a difficult profession, but it's something I still feel called and wish to pursue. Writing is difficult, too, but if I can ever discipline myself to finish the things I start and am able to find an agent, I think I have a shot at least of getting something published. But I don't do these things for fame or glory. I do them because I like them. Until next time.

Blurb for HEROES.

I don't watch very much television. I watch SURVIVOR and THE AMAZING RACE and occasionally I am able to catch a game of JEOPARDY!. That's about it. There isn't any other shows that I watch on a regular basis. Except for one: HEROES. If you haven't seen this show, I highly recommend that you tune in the coming weeks as the first season is approaching a close (the finale will be sometime in May). I had a hunch before the new season began that HEROES was going to be The show to watch this season and I haven't been disappointed.

Take last night's episode for example. It was some of the best drama I've seen on television in a very, very long time. I'll go as far as to say that it moved me. For those who don't know, the show is about ordinary people who have discovered they have extraordinary powers. They are trying to understand what is happening to them and figure out how to use their abilities. In the meantime there are at least three different groups that are after them. One of the groups has completely good and benevolent intentions. The motivations of the other groups are unknown.

It all sounds kind of far fetched and kind of geeky, but it works extremely well. Take last night's episode, "Company Man", for example. The performance by the cast in "Company Man" is Emmy-worthy material. Actors spend their whole lives wanting to act in scenes full of powerful drama like the one last night. That happens on HEROES a lot. The show has it's roots in sci-fi, but it is grounded in reality. "Company Man" was a very important episode that illustrated many of the connections between the characters on the show. However, even if you aren't a fan of the show, you could take a lot away from the episode. In a very eloquent and meaningful way the episode dealt with issues of faith, family, and honor. It illustrated the complexity in choosing between one's duty and between doing the right thing and the consequences that happen when one is forced to choose between the two. And, as many of the other episodes this season has shown, it displayed how interconnected we really are in the world; as John Donne wrote so much better before, "No man is an island." Television doesn't get much better than that.

Cabin Fever.

There's a thunder storm going on; it's really, really cold (it might all freeze again); and I've got cabin fever.

Between Two Worlds.

The articles and links below come from a blog that I regularly read. It's called Between Two Worlds.

Browsing that blog today I came across several interesting articles today. The first two have to do with George Washington. Since it's President's Day, I think it's only fitting.

The other article I really enjoyed reading came from a guy named Ben Witherington talking about a recent discussion he had attended with Rob Bell. For those of you who don't know Bell is the pastor of a church in Minnesota (Mars Hill I believe). He's gained a reputation of being a leader of the emerging church movement. He's written a highly popular book about his faith entitled VELVET ELVIS and he has a new book coming out soon. I've quoted from Witherington's post below.

"Of course it is true that we all are sinners who fall short of the glory of God, so there is no basis for finger pointing on such issues, and everyone must in all humility deal with their own sins rather than focusing on other people's sins. A Christian approach must be that everyone is welcome to come to Christ and come into the church as they are without pre-conditions. But no one is welcome to stay as they are--- no one. They all must change, repent of their sins as needed, and strive to live in newness of life whether gay or straight." --Ben Witherington

Utah Mall Shooting

In case you haven't heard, on Monday, February 12, 2007 a Muslim teenager went into a mall in Utah and randomly starting shooting people. He killed five people and wounded four others before he was shot himself. The important thing to remember about this whole incident is that the kid was Muslim. Remember that.

Why I Hate Valentine's Day

I hate Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong. I think St. Valentine Day was a great guy. Whether he defied the Emperor and married soldiers, whether he was imprisoned because of his faith and sent a letter to the girl he fell in love with during his confinement, or whether Valentine actually did both of these, or even if Valentine was actually two men who did these things but died on the same day, I respect the ideals that St. Valentine represents. However, Valentine’s Day has very little to do with St. Valentine and it has become a day every year that I detest.

I’ll admit part of my distaste for the day is because I’m a single guy that has never had a significant other to share the day with. I see all these couples around me staring at each other and eating nice dinners and I feel jealous. It doesn’t help either that starting almost immediately after the confetti thrown at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day has hit the pavement until the midnight of February 15th I am bombarded by messages and images about Valentine’s Day, the so-called “holiday” of love. If you’re married or in a relationship, congratulations to you. However, there are millions of single people that don’t have a special person in their life. We are quite aware that we are single and we don’t need the world to constantly remind us for six weeks that we’re still single. I don’t feel I have been called to a life of singlehood and would like to be married someday. That is one of the deepest desires of my heart. But so far it hasn’t been meant to be. Currently, I am content with life, but my contentment isn’t enough for the world. Every year for six weeks I’m told repeatedly in the newspapers, on the radio, on television, on the internet, and even by some family members that if I’m not in a relationship there must be something wrong with me. That’ll cause some bitter feelings and resentment. I won’t deny it.

However, that doesn’t negate that there’s something about the whole day that is artificial and trite. If you truly love someone, there shouldn’t have to be a day each year to remind you that you love that person. If you truly love a person you should be celebrating Valentine’s Day with them throughout the year and not just on one day.

But, Valentine’s Day really isn’t about love. It’s all about money and manipulating people. It changes people. Women seem especially susceptible to the seduction. Perpetuated by greeting card, confectionary, and flower companies as well as the soft-core pornographic paperback novels they read, women come to believe that if their husband or boyfriend doesn’t do something special for them on Valentine’s Day then he doesn’t love them. “He’ll send flowers. He’ll get me that ring I’ve been wanting. He’ll take me out somewhere nice for dinner. If he really cared he’ll do this or that.” Women have been seduced into connecting their self-worth with this created “holiday”. Good men want to please their wives and girlfriends and because of their love for the women in their lives they go along with it. The gifts and messages and nice dinners are meant to be an expression of love but are really just duties performed out of doting affection and the hope of a bedroom treat later.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, but by buying into what the culture has presented us, it has very little to do about love at all.

That’s why I hate Valentine’s Day.

Comic Strips

Comic strips don't get the appreciation they deserve as an art form. So much skill and talent goes into creating a strip. They are usually either funny or deeply personal and sometimes both and if nothing else they are amusing. In a few panes a comic strip expresses what people like me take pages to put into words. Comic strips are hundreds of times shorter than a full-fledged comic book. And they are free everyday (unless you buy the collection books). Here are two comics in today's (2/2/07) paper that I related to.

This is me and my life.


Someday this will be happening to me.

January 2007

In honor of Nick Hornby, I'm going to try something different. This might be a one-time thing, it might turn into a regular feature. I don't know. Anyway. At the end of every month I'm going to list the books I read that month and the movies I saw for the first time. There will probably be some short comments as well. Hornby does this in a column for some magazine he writes for and he's gotten two books out of it so far. So, here's my January 2007.

Books Read:
Brainiac by Ken Jennings
Teacher Man by Frank McCourt

January was a slow month for me, reading wise. The first two weeks I didn't read any books (not including the usual newspaper, magazine, blogs, etc.). The first book I finished was Brainiac. It's written by Ken Jennings, the guy who won 74 games on Jeopardy! The book does tells part of Jenning's Jeopardy! story, but it's really a book that explores the history of trivia. I really liked it.

The other book I read was Frank McCourt's Teacher Man. McCourt won the Pulitzer Prize about 8 years ago for his memoir Angela's Ashes. That book is amazing and I highly recommend it. McCourt had an incredibly bleak childhood, but his writing style is so humorous and witty. Teacher Man is his 3rd book and is written in the same style as his first two. It's also a memoir, but it deals more in-depth with his thirty-year teaching career. I love McCourt's writing (he's a beautiful storyteller), but I took even more away from the book because I, too, am an English teacher.

Movies Viewed for the First Time:
The Pursuit of Happyness
The Mothman Prophecies
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time
Children of Men
United 93

I didn't watch many movies in January 2007 either. Normally I see between 10-15 movies for the first time during a month. In January 2007 I only managed seeing five. I enjoyed The Pursuit of Happyness. It's basically an inspiring film about overcoming adversity. Will Smith and his son have a great relationship though and it is their bond that makes the movie so touching.

I watched The Mothman Prophecies because I thought it was going to be about the Silver Bridge accident in 1967 that killed 26 people. If you've ever heard about the Mothman stories, you might want to check the film out, but besides that I'd stay away. It wasn't that good and having Richard Gere involved made it even worse.

Cindrella III: A Twist in Time was sent to me to review. It's okay and better than many direct-to-DVD films I've seen. However, it still had no business being made.

Children of Men. Amazing. Go see this movie. The bleak and depressing tone jars one's soul, but the movie is full of hope. Finally, I watched United 93 for the first time this month. Since the end of April I had been hearing from all sorts of sources how good the film was. Unfortunately it never came out in a theatre close enough for me to get to so I had to wait and watch the copy I bought my mom for Christmas. United 93 has largely been ignored during the award season, but it is, in my opinion, the best film of 2006. No preaching. Just a realistic depiction of one story of millions that happened on Sept. 11, 2001.

And what did I learn this path month from my reading and movie watching endeavors? The biggest thing is a message that I have been seeing repeated over and over and over the past few months. I don't know if it's something that God is trying to drill into because of what is going on in my life or if it's a prophetic message for all of us because of some dark days that might be ahead. Whatever the case, the message is this: no matter how dark, bleak, and dreary things may get, never give up because no matter how horrible things are, hope remains.

About the Academy Award Nominations.

About a week ago, nominations for the Academy Awards were announced. As a huge film buff and possibly future star and filmmaker, I would like to take a few minutes to comment on the nominations.

There wasn't any reason to nominate anyone else than Forest Whitaker because he's going to win Best Actor by a landslide. Christian Bale should have been nominated and would have been a contender, but the Hollywood establishment didn't even recognize him.

There also wasn't any reason to nominate anyone other than Helen Mirren because she's already locked in as the winner for Best Actress. I haven't seen THE QUEEN, but apparently there isn't a female performance out there that can compare to Mirren's portrayal of Elizabeth II.

Paul Greengrass should win the Best Director award for UNITED 93, but the award will probably go to Martin Scorsese because he has never won before and Marty's not getting any younger.

As for Best Picture the five films nominated were:
BABEL, THE DEPARTED, LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, THE QUEEN.

Out of all of those the only film that actually even deserves a nomination is THE DEPARTED. Hollywood likes to have a little quirky film as part of the race, so I can understand LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. As for the other three, I just don't get it. Until BABEL was nominated, I hadn't heard much positive about it. LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA is an attempt to be politically correct since it's a WWII movie told from the side of the Japanese but TORA, TORA, TORA did it better over twenty years ago and FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS is probably the better of Eastwood's two films from the past year. Helen Mirren is remarkable in THE QUEEN so her performance rightly deserves a Best Actress Award, but that doesn't mean the movie deserves a Best Picture nomination.

There are at least two films that should have been nominated. The biggest glaring omission is UNITED 93. Until about the start of November UNITED 93 was on everyone's Best Picture list. I don't know what happened in two months to change people's minds so much, but UNITED 93 should have been nominated. It's the best picture of 2006 hands down. The other blatant omission is APOCALYPTO. If anyone but Mel Gibson had been responsible for APOCALYPTO, it would have been nominated for every award in town. However, because Mel's behind it, no one wants to recognize it for the masterful achievement that it is. I know that some will ask me, what would be the other film I would rather see in the fifth slot. To be honest, I'm not sure. I just saw CHILDREN OF MEN and loved it. That would probably be my choice. Although, I've heard a lot of good comments about BLOOD DIAMOND and DREAMGIRLS, so they would have been worthy contenders, too. Even CARS would have been better than some of the other films nominated (CARS might not be the Best Picture of the year, but it is the Best Animated Picture and will win that, but it is better than some of the other nominees).

I'll be making my own favorite film list of 2006 in the near future. Keep reading and stay tuned.

Jesus Was a Jew: A Lesson in Anti-Semitism

I was subbing in a classroom the other day where every student had a behavior disorder. I’ve subbed in the class before, so I was familiar with most of the students. However, there was one student who I had never seen before. Apparently he had been in jail for over six months for a variety of crimes. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but the student was also extremely racist. In the afternoon all of us: the students, the teacher, the extra aid, and myself; gathered together for a little meeting. Someone in the class had written racist names in the backroom blackboard wall. During the course of the conversation, the student I had never seen before became highly agitated and started cursing and making comments. He also threatened another student in the class. Before he was removed from the room, he was yelling at the other student and his remarks were like, “You better tell that little fucker to shut up. See, he’s not talking to me now. What’s he doing now? Praying. Go ahead and pray to your Jewish God. Your fucking Jewish God. I don’t believe in God. Fucking Jewish bitch God. Think your God’s going to save you? There’s no God here. You’re God’s not going to save you. Fucking Jewish God. That no good Jew God.” The other student who he was yelling at wasn’t even speaking and the student isn’t Jewish. The teacher, the other aid, and myself were all a little bit stunned afterwards. In the less than five minutes the student had been ranting he had spewed forth more virulent racism than I have ever encountered before in my life. I’ve known people who are racist and I’ve actually been a victim of racism myself. But I’ve never seen a young person vomit such verbal hatred in such a short time.

Thinking about the incident later that day, I remembered something significant. Jesus was a Jew. Therefore, I guess that technically I follow a Jewish God. Having been raised in a Christian home, when I was a kid I never thought much about Jesus’ Jewishness. I guess I viewed Jesus like everyone else did, the son of a Christian God. Jesus is the foundation of my faith. He was a Christian in the purest sense of the name. It wasn’t until about twelve years ago when I was introduced to a book by Phillip Yancey entitled The Jesus I Never Knew that I thought about, considered, and accepted Jesus’ Jewishness. It’s something I’ve studied more sense then and I now accept it without any reservations.

However, thinking about yesterday’s events I realized that the way I felt in class yesterday is the way the Jewish people have been treated for thousands of years. Jews and Christians share common traditions and parts of faith, but they aren’t the same faiths. Nevertheless, there are similarities. As far as I know, I’ve never done or said anything anti-Semitic and I’ve tried to treat Jewish people the same way that I treat everyone else. I’ve read about and studied anti-Semitism, but yesterday I discovered what anti-Semitism feels like. It’s not a very good feeling, but I’m glad that I know.

Substitute Teaching in TEACHER MAN

"A failed everything. I looked for my place in the world. I became an itinerant substitute teacher, drifting from school to school. High schools called me for day-to-day work to replace sick teachers. Some schools needed me when teachers were called for long spells of jury duty. I was assigned classes in English or whatever a teacher was needed: biology, art, physics, history, mathematics. Substitute teachers like me floated somewhere on the fringes of reality. I was asked daily, And who are you today?" --Frank McCourt, TEACHER MAN, p. 178
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That is a pretty accurate description of how I feel right now.

Hope Remains.

I don't know how many people who read my writings here pay attention to the news, but there's a local story that's gaining a lot of national and even international media coverage that I felt I should mention here. On Friday, police and FBI found Ben Ownby, a 13 year old boy who had been abducted five days earlier, in an apartment in Kirkwood, MO (St. Louis suburb). Unbelievably, in the same apartment they also discovered Shawn Hornbeck, a boy who had been abducted almost five years ago when he was 11 years-old. Finding Ownby alive days after his disappearance was a blessing, but finding Hornbeck was a double blessing. The day after the discovery of the boys, the St. Louis Post Dispatch was headlined "A MIRACLE!" I can think of no other way to describe the rescue of the two boys. There are a lot of strange things about the case and as more facts are discovered, the case will become even more bizarre. I'm writing about this here because it's re-opened my eyes to a couple things.

One, I'm going to pay more attention to posters and milk cartons that have pictures of missing children on them. When I was a kid and until about half way through high school, I used to memorize those things when I would see them. Maybe it was because I watched too many episodes of UNSOLVED MYSTERIES or had seen the movie about Michael Walsh's kidnapped son one too many times. I grew up in a small town, a fairly safe town, a town that feels like something Normal Rockwell would have painted. I never had any reason to feel unsafe, but as a kid, I had a lingering dread that I would be kidnapped. When I got older that fear was replaced by the fear that could happen to my siblings. I don't remember when I stopped paying attention to missing kid flyers. I guess it was sometime in high school. This case has shown me that I need to pay attention to those things again.

The other thing I've been shown has to do with hope. Hope is a precious thing, so precious that it's one of those things that's really hard to define. Hope isn't optimism and it isn't trust, though it is tied to and similar to both of those. Hope is something unique. The world needs more hope. I wish I could say that I'm always a hopeful person, but I'm not. I've lost some hope in my life. I used to be a very hopeful person. I'm still the guy who tries to see the best in every situation. I'm a very forgiving person. I'm very easy going and amiable. However, I'm not as hopeful as I used to be. I've been battered and bruised on the journey of life. Idealist thoughts of naive youth have been replaced by the knowledge of realism. Life is hard and difficult. Sometimes very good things happen to bad people and that quite often very bad things happen to really good people. People are in pain and suffering the world over and things are just going to get worse. I see and hear people's dreams dying on the vine because of the harsh heat of life bearing down. I've lost some hope in my life, but a few days ago I gained some of it back. Two young men who had been kidnapped in friendly neighborhoods close to home were found. Like many, three days after Ben Ownby was abducted, I assumed that he was dead in a ditch somewhere. As for Shawn Hornbeck, I thought his body was lost in the Mighty Miss. The rescue of those two children proved me wrong. Yes, the world can be a terrible place and we shouldn't fool ourselves into believing that things are going to drastically improve any time soon (only Christ's return will do that). Pandora's box might be opened, but hope remains. Hope remains.
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On Friday I did something eccentric. I rented a car and drove to Springfield, Missouri to audition for SURVIVOR. I've applied for every show except the first two seasons and have only missed one episode in 13 seasons. I don't know why I'm so drawn to that show, but I am. It's an amazing, though exceedingly challenging game. I just want an opportunity to play. So, I've sent in tape after tape after tape (sometimes more than one). Last Friday I had a chance to audition in person and I took it. It's kind of crazy, but I am kind of a wild and crazy guy. I probably won't make the cut, but that's okay because hope remains.

Something About Shadows

The past few days I have been feeling really down. The car I drive, which in reality is tied to my livelihood in this plane, has a small problem (just a tiny part that is going bad) that can be fixed, but getting it fixed will require the removal of the transmission and a buttload of money that I just don’t have. Over a year after spending years back in school so I could teach in public schools and over a decade of interviews and half of century of applications, I still haven’t gotten a teaching job and am barely scraping by substitute teaching. I’ve never had a girlfriend because, mainly, every woman I’ve ever seriously contemplated beginning a relationship with has rejected me in one form or another, including my most recent failed attempt a few days ago. To top it all off, I’m currently residing back in the hometown of my roots, a place I have a deep affection tampered with scorn for. By most wordly standards (I have overcome the education gap), I am a loser. Even by the standards of those within the Church, I ain’t doing too hot.

Normally, I don’t allow myself to think about such things very often, but the last few days I have been. Combined with the mundane rituals of daily life, it became too much for me last night. I hadn’t gone running yesterday (something I have been doing 3-4 nights a week), so I took a very long walk instead.

It was a very long walk. I had a lot to think about. I had a lot to talk about with God. About halfway through the walk I took I noticed something. As I was walking I noticed that there were three shadows following me. I stopped and kind of laughed because I realized that all three shadows were my own shadows. Usually when I see a shadow of myself, there is one. On occasion there are two, but this is the first time I ever recall seeing three shadows. I’m sure it has happened before, but it’s the first time I ever noticed it; three shadows of myself at three different angles and locations on the ground, mimicking my every move. As I looked at the shadows I was reminded of the unseen war that we are all engaged in. It’s so easy to forget that. It’s so easy just to get busy with living and life that you forget about everything else. I don’t think God ever intended for us to worry about that unseen battle constantly. He wants us to live an abundant life and it’s very difficult to do that when you are consumed about every evil force behind every action, word, and thought. Yet, we are supposed to know it goes on and though we shouldn’t be consumed by it, we should be aware. After all, this is just a shadowlands that we live in right now. I forget about that sometimes and I was glad to be reminded.

Film Review

Below is a movie review I wrote for a local paper two weeks ago.
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Set against the backdrop of a lush and lively jungle landscape, Apocalypto is a film about the death of an empire, the fall of a civilization, the salvation of a family, and one man’s struggle against fear. The film opens with a group of hunters from a small village chasing a tapir. One of the leaders of the hunt is the protagonist of the film, Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood). The next morning Jaguar Paw’s village is attacked and invaded by the warriors from the city of stone. Jaguar Paw hides his pregnant wife and young son in a hole in the ground, but is himself taken captive. The captives are brought to the city of stone and along the way a diseased-stricken girl prophesizes the destruction of the Mayan empire because of their sins: slavery, human sacrifice, the raping of the Earth, etc. In the city, the women captives are sold as slaves and the men are dragged to a pyramid to be sacrificed. Through a strange turn of events, Jaguar Paw’s life is spared and he is able to escape. Chased by a group of savage warriors, he rushes through the jungle in an attempt to rescue his family before the rains fall and drown them.

Apocalypto is one of the best films I have seen this year. It is a violent film. There are also some minor historical inaccuracies and the film is subtitled because the characters speak in a Mayan dialect. Nevertheless, these minor flaws take nothing away from the power of the film.

The cinematography is brilliant. The people, animals, and vegetation seem almost three-dimensional. The scenery in the film is more vivid than any nature documentary that I have ever seen.

The acting is quite remarkable, especially considering the film’s location and the challenge of speaking in an almost dead language. The central characters are rich and deep. Watching the movie, a person becomes entangled in the lives of Jaguar Paw and his friends and family. Much of that is because of the acting, but some of it is because of the writing and directing, too.

The storytelling uses everything from the Biblical Book of Revelation and the story of the Tower of Babel to epic Greek poems such as The Illiad to popular movie heroes such as John Rambo in First Blood as allusions and references to firmly cement the film in our own cultural heritage.

The story is not only engaging, but it is a powerful parable, too. We might not, yet, live in a culture and society that is as violent as the Mayans, but we are guilty of many of the same sins. We enslave people by not paying them decent wages for the jobs they perform and by paying powerful executives money they don’t deserve, we sacrifice our children upon an alter called choice, and we rape the Earth in almost the same ways as the urban Mayans do in Apocalypto. Like the city-dwelling Mayans in the film, we often choose to not only ignore what we do but the consequences of those actions as well. This chosen ignorance means little because the results of those actions remain, reminding us of our sin and folly.

Apocalypto is a violent movie. For example, men have their throats slit, people are beheaded, priests rip out peoples’ hearts, heads literally roll down stairs, and a man has his face chewed off by a jaguar. It’s all very bloody and slightly gory, yet it’s not anywhere near as violent or gory as movies such as Hostel or Saw III. Also, unlike those films, violence in Apocalypto isn’t useless; it serves a purpose.

Containing magnificent acting, brilliant direction, and amazing cinematography, as well as a plot that serves as a powerful parable for our time, Apocalypto is one of the best movies of 2006.

Some Thoughts From Bono

Here are some quotes from Bono from a book I recently read.

"Never trust a performer, performers are the best liars. They lie for a living. You're an actor, in a certain sense. But a writer is not a liar." p. 42

Great quote, but for me it causes a dilemma because I'm both an actor and writer. I guess I must be a better writer because I'm not a very good liar unless I'm acting.
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"A rock star is someone with a hole in his heart almost the size of his ego." p. 128

If only more rock stars and entertainers were open about this. Many are so close to the Truth, yet not close enough. There's a reason pride is the deadliest of sins.
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"So I can live without happiness. If that's the price of fame, good riddance! Joy on the other hand, is not up for sale. And my joy comes from a completely different place." p. 346

The difference between happiness and joy. Learn the difference and live it and your life will improve drastically.
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Whatever you think of U2 and Bono, you've got to give the guy credit: he tries to use his celebrity in a positive way to help the poor and make the world a better place. By the way, he's a Christian, too.

Some Final Musings About Incidents That Happened Three Weeks Ago.

It's an experience to shave by candlelight. It's an experience that I wouldn't suggest trying, but a different experience nonetheless.
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Reading by candlelight isn't that bad. Abe Lincoln used to do it all the time. It's not that different than reading in the dark with a flashlight. This is something I suggest people try at least once in their lives. However, try to make sure that you have a source of heat nearby other than the candle, because reading by candlelight while holding on to a blanket that is keeping you from freezing is very difficult to do.
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My father might not be a very intelligent man, but he is incredible nonetheless. I respect him even more than I did just a month ago. He lives every moment as a Gethsemane and doesn't even realize it.
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Parents worry about their children. Children relieve their parents anxieties through the peace they have. If children have no peace, parents have none either.
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Driving a car that looks like a light-blue golf ball isn't all that bad.

A Little Something About Worry

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

I’m usually a pretty easy-going person. Even though I plan and try to prepare for things (I am an Eagle Scout after all), the above verse became more significant to me a couple weeks ago. About two weeks ago at 4am I was awaken by a large, thundering sound. Everything outside was covered in ice and since 9:30pm that night tree branches and power lines had been falling. The sound of thunder that jolted me away from my peaceful slumber was the sound of part of a tree falling and landing outside. The tree landed right in front of the house and part of it was lying on my car. We could barely open the front door. Taking my Mag Lite, I went outside and investigated the car. It didn’t look like any of the windows were damaged, but I did see that some power lines were entangled with the tree. I came back into the house and crawled under the covers and went back to sleep.

In the morning we went outside and accessed as much of the damage as we could. In falling down, not only did the tree knock some electric lines down, it also ripped the phone box out of the side of the house. I really couldn’t see how damaged the car was because the tree was lying on top of it. I needed to see how bad things were because that car is my only form of transportation. We had some people who could cut the tree, but they were going to touch it until the power lines were out of the way. The phone company was also contacted, but they said they couldn’t do anything until the tree was moved. So, everything depended upon the power company coming and getting the line off the top of the car and out of the tree limbs. They had already been called at 4:30am when the ginormous piece of lumber first fell. I called them later that evening just to make sure.

Two days later I was still in the same predicament. The electric company was called again and I was told that crews were on the way and everything was being done as quickly as it could. It was frustrating because I had cleared all the debris I could and there really wasn’t anything else I could do. Living without electricity was challenging, but was something that could be dealt with. But we couldn’t move the power line ourselves and we couldn’t do anything else until that was taken care of. It wouldn’t be until a total of 4, almost 5 days had past before some people from the electric company came and moved the wires. Electricity wasn’t restored until a day after that (though I know some places went a total of 10 days without).

In that time, the verse from Matt. 6:34 became a very real and tangible part of my life. It would have been so easy just to get upset and mad about everything, but I didn’t. There was enough in each day itself to do that I couldn’t worry about tomorrow. I tried to live the days moment by moment. After doing everything that could be done and waiting for electricity return, I did have a sense of calm I had not expected. Sure it was frustrating at times, but the justifiable anger and rage that I could have felt, I did not. There was enough trouble in just trying to stay warm and keep busy without worrying about things I had no control over. It might not be easy to do, but taking things moment by moment and day by day sure beats incessantly worrying about things beyond your control.

A Birthday, The Thunder of Thor’s Hammer, and the Peace that Transcends Understanding

The past week has been a very long week for me. It has been a trying time, a growing time, and a learning time. The never-imagined and unexpected both became real. Some of it has been rather shocking. Most of it has been exciting. Some of it has been very challenging. Nevertheless, even amidst the new obstacles and difficulties that have presented themselves, I am grateful and have found love, peace, and joy. Life truly is a journey and even though the bad stuff is never pleasant, it makes me remember what a glorious adventure I am living.

I have several things I wish to write about and explore that have happened the last few days. I won’t be able to get to them all at once. So, I’m going to break them into smaller pieces. I’ll start at the beginning.

Last week, November 30^th, was my birthday. Also, I almost died last week. Put the two things together for a really exciting statement: I almost died on my birthday. Well, not exactly on my birthday: it happened a few hours later, but it was close enough to say I almost died on my birthday.

I went to bed that night to the crackling of solid objects freezing and ice-laden tree branch-bombs falling from the sky. The closest I’ve ever been to being in battle is on a paintball course, but my Dad said all that ice and all those trees falling sounded like combat gunfire. It was a little frightening, but I found it more thrilling than frightening. I love storms and saw a side of nature that I really hadn’t seen before.

Anyway, the electricity went out long before I went to bed, but even without any heat I slept soundly. Once I get to sleep, I rarely wake up—one time when I was a kid our entire block was almost evacuated because of the burning of the township building down the street; there were fire trucks, police, ambulance, etc. but I slept through the whole thing. However, around four in the morning on the first day of December 2006, I was awoken by what sounded like Thor’s hammer pounding the Earth. Turns out, about half of this giant tree next to the house had collapsed beneath the burden of the ice it was carrying. It was too dark to see how much damage it had caused, but the tree was lying across the front yard and we could hardly open the front door.

I went back to bed, but didn’t get much sleep after that. Sometime near dawn my Dad and I went out into the freeze to check things out. The tree knocked a corner of the house away. Also, part of the tree landed on my car. There were a lot of dents, but surprisingly none of the windows on the car were broken.

But, here’s the real kicker: the tree should have landed on the house, but it didn’t. The tree should have crashed into the room in which I was sleeping and killed me, but it didn’t. I studied physics once and have had experience up to pre-calculus in mathematics. Even given the force of the wind that night and the extra weight of the ice, there is no worldly rational or logical reason why that tree didn’t crash into the house and land on top of my head. That tree fell hard, too; it’s been chopped up and taken away as firewood and lumber now, but the yard is riddled with foot-deep holes where some of the branches jolted themselves into the frozen soil and I’ll never get all of the dents out of the car. After studying the scene that morning, I found myself amazed. I could have died that night, but I didn’t. There are those that will scoff, but I know that the hand of God was involved, protecting me as I slept. That truly is the Peace that transcends understanding.

Tonight.

Tonight at 8pm Central Standard Time on NBC--HEROES. It's an origins episode. Watch it. There's a reason this show is the most-watched and highest-rated new show of the season. Peter Petrelli saved the cheerleader, so did he save the world?

Acceptance

A few weeks ago I was watching a public showing of the movie Cinderella Man. There were a couple of older women sitting behind me. Paul Giamatti is a supporting actor in the film portraying Jim Braddock’s (Russell Crowe) manager, Joe Gould. There was one moment in the movie when Giamatti was on screen and I heard the ladies behind me say, “…and his hair is parted. It looks so nice. Men just don’t part their hair anymore. It’s a shame, they look more handsome that way.” Upon hearing this, I thought to myself, “I used to.”

I used to part my hair, but for the last couple of years I haven’t. About three years ago when I went back to school I got a totally different haircut than I had ever had before. It was partly because I wanted to try something different and partly because my usual barber was unavailable. I wasn’t able to part my hair with the new do, and I guess that’s when I pretty much stopped parting my hair.

Anyway, the comment those ladies made got me thinking. I liked parting my hair, even if I was the object of ridicule from time to time. It got me thinking about a lot of things about myself. It kind of all ties in with the Baby Blues comic above. I’ve tried very hard to live a temperant life. I know that I’m not of this world, but I am in this world. However, there are just some things I’ve had to accept about myself. Tattoos, cell phones, piercings, etc. just aren’t for me (though I did thought about getting a tattoo for almost a year and almost got this one and I’ll probably end up getting a cell phone eventually when I can afford it) and I think I’m going to start parting my hair again. I’ve had to accept that I’m just an old-fashioned guy living at the edge of this post-modern world.

P.S. This post didn't turn out as though-provoking, humorous, or even as intriguing as I wanted it to. Why can't my words say what I want them to say anymore?

Thinking About Heroes

I saw the movie STRANGER THAN FICTION today. It was very unusual. It's a comedy and by that I mean that it's a comedy as opposed to being the only other thing it could be; a tragedy. There are some funny parts, but it's not slapstick. The plot is very surreal. It made me think and I enjoyed it.

One of the things it made me think about is heroes. I've been thinking about heroes and the nature of a hero and what it means to be a hero a lot lately (I'm working on a more formal essay about heroes that will probably be by next published column which I'll post here, too). Traditionally, in most great stories from BEOWULF to Gilgamesh to many Biblical stories to THE LORD OF THE RINGS to KING KONG to Batman, a hero is someone who does something extraordinary at great danger to themselves in order to save someone else. Usually, a hero doesn't get the woman he loves (or if they're female they don't get the man they love) or they die and the greatest of heroes give up both the girl and their lives. I've always argued that in order to truly be a hero, the guy would either loose the woman he loved or end up loosing his life. Part of the reason for this is that to truly be a hero a person must experience great suffering and the loss of love or the loss of one's life are usually considered the two greatest sacrifices that can be afflicted upon a person. Sidekicks are the ones who can both get the girl and not get killed. Because of some thoughts that a certain television show airing on Monday nights on NBC has caused me to be thinking and now the movie, STRANGER THAN FICTION, I'm beginning to think that maybe that isn't the case.

I don't know exactly why I've become so preoccupied with this subject lately, but it's something I've found myself wrestling with in my head. I'm curious as to what other people think. So, What do you think? To truly be a hero does one have to sacrifice love or lose his life? Or can one be a hero and still get the girl and not loose his life?

Aching in Autumn

When I was a child my favorite season of the year was autumn. Though the season itself doesn’t officially begin until the end of September, autumn really begins on the first day of school. For many students, this is a day of dread and doom. To them it means the end of summer and the start of another nine months of learning. For me the first day of school was a day of delight. I was always excited about learning. I couldn’t wait to hear the stories of what my friends had did during the summer. I was eager to discover the new things that would present themselves to the absorption of my young mind. Occasionally, we would have a new student in our class and that was exciting, too, because I liked meeting people and making new friends.

Of course, school wasn’t the only reason that autumn used to be my favorite season. Besides the new school year and new friends, there were also all the other changes the season brought. There was a drop in the humidity and heat of those terrible St. Louis summer days. The leaves on the trees changed colors and made the Earth a more vivid place before the white pasting of winter covered the land. There were hayrides and bonfires filled with hot dogs and marshmallows and silly harmless practical jokes. Later there came pumpkins and a night of dressing up going door to door begging for candy. Back then, autumn was a time of new beginnings.

Years later the season that I once loved so much and was my favorite season of the year has become my least favorite. I still love watching the leaves change color and the cooler weather is often appreciated. I still see beauty around me and as I look and observe these changes around me, I thank God for the creation He has made and given to us. However, though I still have my innocence and am often naïve, those things have been tempered by wisdom and slightly by experience. The season that I once looked forward to for all the wonderful things it brought has been tainted to me by pain, suffering, heartache, and loneliness. I see joy and try to take it in, but instead find I am inhaling fumes of longing tinted with a twinge of despair.

I have no idea of when this change in my favorite season took place. It is true that I’ve experienced great heartache during autumn the past few years, but I had started disliking the season years before that. I’ve searched and wrestled with why I feel this way and I cannot find an answer. I first discovered this dislike about six years ago, but it might have happened a few years before that. I don’t really know. What I do know is that now as the weather cools and the leaves change color, there is also an aching in my heart that comes with it.

As the Spin Spins.

The top story in today's St. Louis Post Dispatch was entitled "Keeping a wary eye: Pitfalls abound". The article was about how new voting machines, heavy absentee voting, and new election laws might cause a different outcome in next week elections than expected. Since the middle of the summer I have had it pounded in my head my the television and newspapers that this November is going to be a landside victory for Democrats and that they will re-gain control of both houses of Congress. Now, I am starting to hear and read these stories about concerns over new voting machines, procedures, and absentee voting. Why is that?

To be honest, I try to avoid politics. That's not to say I'm not aware of what goes on or that I don't know who major elected officials are. I tend to lean toward the Republican side of things, though when it comes to big business and things like helping the poor I find myself agreeing with the Democrat side. I'm registered as a Republican, but that's only because in Illinois in order to vote in a primary election you have to declare a party and rather than not have any choice as a declared Independent, I chose to be registered as a Republican. I've voted for candidates on both sides. I try to vote for a person, not a party. If we really examine things, there isn't a whole lot separating most political candidates one from the other anyway. However, there is a lot in each party's platform that separates them from each other. But I digress.

I was reading this article in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch and I wondered why it was such an important story? The Post-Dispatch tends to lean heavily toward the Democrat side of things and it occurred to me that maybe they are worried and are already in the process of trying to cover their behinds. I don't believe that either one of the last two Presidential elections were rigged, but I know there are many staunch Democrats who believe that they were: hanging chads caused lost votes in Florida and the voting in Ohio was rigged. I don't believe that. It's way too large of a conspiracy theory and even though I know government officials are often corrupt I don't think a conspiracy of that size would work. But, if you do believe such things are possible and if you've claimed that's happened the last two Presidential elections, even though you think you're party is going to win big this election, what's to stop you from already sewing the seeds of discord? That's why I think the Post had this story as it's cover story. They must be worried for some reason.

Wisdom from Atticus Finch

I read a lot. One of my goals in life is to read 100 books within a year. I've never reached that, yet. The closest I've ever gotten is just under 70. I don't know if I'll make it this year either--I just finished my 50th book last week. One of the books I read (well, re-read) last week was TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by Harper Lee. I first read this when I was a freshman in high school. I almost had to teach it last fall as part of my student teaching, but was assigned LORD OF THE FLIES instead. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD is an American classic. It takes place in Alabama during the height of the Great Depression. There are some great characters in the book and the character of Atticus Finch is what Superman (after one of the major DC updates in the 1960s) is said to pattern the way he wanted to live as a human being. Anyway, I was reading TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD last week and I came across a passage that is thought-provoking and intriguing.

I'm an English teacher and am currently substitute teaching all over the place. When I first went back to get my certificate, I had a few of the same ideals about education as most beginning teachers do. I didn't have as many because I was getting started a bit later in the game. Anyway, after doing some of my initial observations and experiences, I became aware of how screwed up the educational system (particularly at the secondary level) in the U.S. is. I was once told by Howard Dean (yeah, the guy who leads the Democratic Party) that though there are problems with our system, we shouldn't be discouraged because we try to do something in the U.S. that no other country in the world does--we try to make sure that everyone has at least a basic, fundamental education. No other country in the world does that--in most places in the world after you reach a certain age, if you don't want to continue your schooling, you don't have to. It seems really nice when you first hear it and it does seem like a good ideal, but (and this comes after much experience) it's not practical and instead of doing what its supposed to be doing, its doing the exact opposite. By trying to educate those who do not wish to be educated, we are penalizing and punishing all of those who wish to learn. Here's what Atticus Finch had to say about that:

"Thomas Jefferson once said that all men are created equal, a phrase that the Yankees and the distaff side of the Executive branch in Washington are fond at hurling at us. There is a tendency in this year of grace, 1935, for certain people to use this phrase out of context, to satisfy all conditions. The most ridiculous example I can think of is that the people who run public education promote the stupid along with the industrious--because all men are created equal, educators will gravely tell you, the children left behind suffer terrible feelings of inferiority. We know all men are not created equal in the sense some people would have us believe--...--some people are born gifted beyond the normal scope of most men." p. 233, TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, Harper Lee

I agree with Atticus. What do you think?

World Series Champs

My team won!
Way to go, Cards!

Someone has a job interview Friday.

Mantra.

Save the cheerleader. Save the world.

Pitching With Pine Tar.

So, how about Tigers' pitcher Kenny Rogers blatantly pitching with pine tar during a World Series game? Don't know what I'm talking about? Look at this picture. Rogers claims it was dirt and that he rubbed it off. Yeah, right. I've seen a lot of baseball and played quite a bit when I was younger and even during rainy, muddy games I don't ever recall seeing dirt like that. It would be easier to believe if Rogers hadn't been under suspicion for using other substances to pitch before. I wish LaRussa would have made a bigger deal about it earlier on in the game. Hopefully, it won't happen again.

But, that was Detroit. Now it's back to St. Louis. Go Cards!

Program Bio.

Biography from Noises Off program.

Tom Varner (Tim Allgood)--Tom has performed in about 30 different plays. Noises Off is his 7^th production with Hard Road Theatre. He was last seen on stage as Ken Gorman in last year’s HRT production of Rumors. Part of this past summer Tom was an animal wrangler for the On the Lake with Orlin and Arlen nature series. He also co-produced, co-wrote, and co-starred (as Ace McGregor) in the short horror parody film, Tremors 9. Currently, Tom is working on a screenplay (title to be announced later) that is scheduled to be filmed in 2009. Tom works as a substitute teacher and spends his free time looking for a full-time teaching job so he no longer has to refer to himself as “an unemployed English teacher.” His favorite song is “Stand By Me”. Tom likes vanilla ice cream and would like everyone to know that black footed ferrets are an endangered species.

The Curtain Falls.

Last night Noises Off, the play I was in, closed. This afternoon I helped strike the set. I’m finding myself struggling through some mixed emotions right now.

The end of a play is almost always a bitter-sweet experience. There’s a lot of time, hard work, effort, and often money that each person gives to a production. It’s a commitment. Practices don’t always end when they should and sometimes after a long day of work rehearsing for a play is the last thing you want to do. Part of the payoff comes from the performances. I have yet to find something in my life that fills me with the joy, exultation, and excitement that performing does. As much as I enjoy it, it is nice to have some free time in the evenings again.

Yet, even now as I sit and write this, I miss the show. I miss the show because of the people with whom I worked, played, and performed with for the past two months. Old friendships were strengthened and new ones were formed. A small community was built. Now, the farewells have been made, the fellowship has been broken, and the community has been disbanded. Many of us will probably work together again. Some of us might not, but even if we were to all come together again, it would not be the same.

This show was really special to me. I’ve wanted to perform in Noises Off for a long time. I don’t remember when I first heard about the show. I made decisions in my life that would keep me in the area just so I would be close enough to do the show. For example, I really didn’t apply to too many schools that were outside of a 150 mile radius of the town where the play was going to be performed. Some people called me crazy. I couldn’t explain it to them. I just knew it was something I wanted to do and something I was supposed to do. For the past two months, the play has been a lifeline for me and it was actually something I looked forward to doing each night. Now, it is finished. The last set pieces have been taken away and the stage floor is swept and mopped.

There’s a line in the play that goes, “This is such a lovely company to work with.” It truly is. It truly is.

Some More Tidbits from Tom

The following will appear in a local newspaper tomorrow. I'm still trying to decide what to call my column, so please if you have any suggestions for a new name, let me know. Also, if you're in my area (anywhere near 45 miles NE of St. Louis, MO) I'll expect to see you after the show this weekend or next. ;)

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Tidbits from Tom By: Tom Varner

This weekend and next Hard Road Theatre will be performing the hilarious and hysterical production of Noises Off. Noises Off provides audiences with a rare glimpse of some of the backstage antics that often happen between cast and crew during the production of a play. The show revolves around a second-rate theatre company producing a touring show entitled Nothing On. The audience gets a glimpse of the first act of Nothing On at the dress rehearsal, then sees the same act a month later from behind stage, and finally sees how the entire production completely unravels a month later. Watching the play one truly sees how the action, drama, and comedy in front of the curtain is nothing like what happens behind the scenes.

The show is being sponsored by Bradford National Bank. Performance dates are on Oct. 6,7,13, and 14^th at 7:30p.m. and on Oct. 8^th at 2p.m. at the Upper Elementary Auditorium in Highland, Illinois. Ticket prices are $8 for adults, $7 for senior citizens, and $6 for kids under thirteen. Ticket reservations can be made by phone at (618) 654-7748 and by email at tickets@hardroad.org.

I was able to see Noises Off a few years when it was performed by another organization. It is one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. The people at Hard Road have gained a reputation for putting on high-quality productions. It will be worth your time to check this show out. Besides, the top-notch cast includes none other than yours truly, Tom Varner as Tim Allgood, the hapless stage-manager who attempts to keep the production running.

After seeing the show, rent the movie based upon the play. Many times when plays are made into movies, they don’t succeed. However, the film version is an excellent adaptation of the play. The movie stars the late Christopher Reeve, John Ritter, and Denholm Elliott as well as Michael Caine, Carol Burnett, Marilu Henner, Nicolette Sheridan, Julie Hagerty, and Mark Linn-Baker. Like all movies based on existing works, the film has been altered slightly, especially the third act, but overall the movie does a superb job of bringing the play to the silver screen.

Another Column

Below is another column I wrote for a local paper this week. I still haven't figured out how often it will appear or exactly what it will be about. Right now, my focus has been on mass media, especially movies, television, and books because that is my forte. However, I'm debating about whether to broaden it into other areas. Also, I'm not sure if I like the title. It's full of alliteration, but it doesn't seem catchy. Let me know if you have any suggestions.
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Tidbits from Tom

By: Tom Varner

Last week Steve Zaillian’s long delayed version of All the King’s Men was released. The movie is loosely based upon the 1947 Pulitzer Prize-winning novel of the same name by Robert Penn Warren and stars Sean Penn as Willie Stark. I haven’t seen the film myself, but from the reviews I’ve read and from talking with people who have seen it, I recommend not watching the movie. Warren’s novel itself is loosely based upon the life of Huey Long, the Kingfisher. Long was the governor of Louisiana from 1928-1932 and served as one of Louisiana’s Senators from 1932-1935 and had planned to run for the U.S. Presidency until he was assassinated on September 10, 1935. Apparently, to give the movie a more “universal” feel, Zaillian and Penn didn’t set the film in Louisiana. They also moved the timeline from the Great Depression to the 1950s. Oh, also, instead of sticking to the general themes of the novel, they decided to make the film in their own personal vision and philosophy.

Instead of seeing this latest version of All the King’s Men, you’re better off watching the classic 1949 production starring Broderick Crawford. This version stays closer to the spirit of the novel. It also won the Oscar for Best Picture in 1950. In a strange bit of irony, John Wayne was the first choice to portray Willie Stark in the 1949 version, but wrote a feisty letter turning down the role. Later, Wayne was nominated for Best Actor in 1950 for Sands of Iowa Jima, but lost out to Crawford.

If that doesn’t appeal to you, go read Warren’s novel. There’s a reason it won the Pulitzer Prize. It truly is a piece of classic American literature.

The Elephant Man and Our Drug Addiction to Oil

When I was a really little kid, I remember watching this black and white movie on television with my parents. The movie was called The Elephant Man. I was fascinated by that film and the story it told. I thought it was an older film because it was filmed in black in white. This summer I found a copy of the movie on DVD and sat down and watched it this past weekend. I was kind of shocked because the film isn't that old at all (1981). It was filmed in black and white for aesthetic purposes. I think I was as riveted watching the movie this time as I was when I first saw it as a child, but for a variety of other reasons. The story is very touching and in some ways inspiring. The acting is top-notch. The cinematography unbelievable. The movie has a couple of footnotes in film history including being the film responsible for bringing about an Oscar for Best Makeup (there was no award when The Elephant Man was first released, but a new Oscar was added the year later). David Lynch directed the film and though he went on to direct and create some really bizarre and slightyl blue film and television, The Elephant Man was the movie that established him as a major director and is considered by most critics and the general populace alike as his magnum opus. If you have an opportunity to watch this film, do it.
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I'm not sure about the rest of the country, but in the past few weeks gas prices have fallen. I had to fill up today and it was $2.28/gal. This "story" is making headlines in newspapers an on evening broadcasts. I guess the media gatekeepers think it's a big deal. Here's a bigger story, gas prices right now are still 20 cents higher than they were a year ago at this time--a month after Hurricane Katrina swept through the Gulf Coast. Has everybody forgotten that? After Katrina, we were told prices went up because, depending on who you asked, 10%-40% of all U.S. refinining capacity was knocked out. Yet, gasoline is still more expensive now than it was a year ago and much of the media is going crazy at how "inexpensive" gas is getting. Yeah, whatever. I can't believe it that people actually believe that. By the way, if you do believe that, let me know and for a nominal fee I can sell you some real estate on the imaginative plane.

We as a country have a serious drug addiction to oil. It's a really, really, bad addiction. If we don't seek treatment, it's going to end up killing us. The worst part is that our dealers-- mainly Iran, Syria, Venezuela--happen to be the same countries that are filled with people in positions of power who want to kill all of us. I'm ready for rehab. What about you? Let's go green.

Small Update and a Column.

Below is a column I wrote for a local paper this week. It might become a weekly thing, maybe a monthly, maybe a just whenever; I'm not sure right now. I don't get paid to do it, but it did allow me to write and get published. On a totally different subject, I start a 3-week job subbing tomorrow as a special ed aid. It's not exactly my cup of tea, but it will be work and educational experience and for that I am grateful.
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Tidbits from Tom
by Tom Varner

From all of the new movies released last week, the best of the bunch to see is Everyone’s Hero. It’s an animated tale about a boy who travels from New York to Chicago to get Babe Ruth’s bat back for the final stretch of the 1932 World Series and to save his dad’s job. The movie has a strong vocal cast, some great messages, and was Christopher Reeve’s last project.

In the land of television one of the biggest things on air was Survivor: Cook Islands. The show had received lots of early publicity because of the division of tribes by race. Certain leaders in New York, L.A., and other cities boycotted the show in protest, but the show finished first for the covenanted Thursday night time slot and as one of the top 10 shows of the week with 18 million viewers. Ironically, Thursday’s episode (remember 18 million people watched) was the 2^nd least watched Survivor premiere ever. Only in Hollywood.

For trivia hounds, last week Ken Jennings’ (he of Jeopardy! fame) released a book entitled Brainiac. The book is a partial biography about Jennings’ life including his 75-game stint on Jeopardy! as well as an inside examination of the history of trivia and quizzing in the United States.

That’s all for now. Until next time.

Unemployment Blues.

I have a confession to make. I'm very frustrated right now. It's been five weeks since I've done any work in which I've been paid. This is one of the longest periods of my life that I've been without work since high school. I'm on the subbing list for 10 different school districts but have only received 2 calls and one I was told by the caller that I couldn't take because I wouldn't have been able to make it to school before classes began. I've applied to at least three different temp agencies, have responded to every help wanted ad I've seen listed in the papers, have filled out applications at every business that has had a help wanted sign, and have applied at places that don't want any help. I've been told that I'm overqualified for several jobs (some places don't like a young person with two college degrees working there). I even swallowed my pride and tried to file for unemployment but was turned down, too. Apparently because I worked at a non-profit organization out of state and at an educational institution within the state, there is no record of me having been employed for the past 2 1/2 years and in order to file for unemployment the agency has to have a record of you having been employed & earning a certain amount of money, which doesn't make much sense to me. So, I find myself spending my time searching for a job (even though I know as soon as the calls start I'll be subbing full-time again), writing, and trying not to get depressed (the play I'm in really helps with that). I've got the unemployment blues and it stinks.

Do You Remember?

I had just arrived at work. At the time, I was working part-time in the shoe section of a local department store. I hated my job. I was working there because it was the only employment I had been able to find. I had applied at temp agencies galore, grocery stores, movie theatres, video stores, industrial labor, and even to a few fast food places. I had made follow up telephone calls and written letters, but the only job I could find was in a department store shelving shoes. I had been planning to move the following fall out to L.A. to attend the graduate film school I had already been accepted into. I had delayed my admission for a year because I hadn’t saved enough money to move across the country to California and once I left Illinois, I was planning on never coming back. However, during that past month I had been having second-thoughts about things and was giving my life a serious re-evaluation.

I had wanted to move to California since I was in high school. It wasn’t necessarily because of the place itself; it was because of what was in that place: the heart and soul of the movie industry. I had wanted to be in films since I was a little kid. I was a talented actor, but in college I decided I’d rather make films than just act in them. After graduation I had applied to most of the major film schools in the country and had been rejected by most. But, there was one school that had accepted me and I was intending to study there.

However that year, things began to shift. I had spent the summer working at camp. I thought it was going to be my last summer doing that. I had an amazing summer and through the experiences and some of the conversations I had, I began to believe that maybe I was supposed to teach for a time. I was dreading moving back to my hometown and working at some crummy job just to earn money so I could move next fall and begin doing what I really wanted to do. I had done that long enough. Life was too short and precious for me to waste part of my life like that. Also, I felt a divine tugging in my heart. I had been avoiding that. I knew what He was going to ask of me and I wasn’t prepared to give it up. I had spent my whole life preparing to move to L.A., attend film school, and make movies. I was NOT going to give that up. It was my dream, my motivation, and what I wanted in my life.

Whatever the case, I wasn’t going to work as a shoe salesman much longer. That was killing me inside. It was so pointless and meaningless. I had decided that the Thursday before when I had re-arranged and restacked the same boxes of shoes five times in four days.

That was all before I arrived at work on Tuesday September 11, 2001 just before 8:00A.M. Central Time. Do you remember?

I arrived at the store and everything was deathly silent. It was like a scene in a bad horror movie. I walked to the back of the store and all the people that were in the building were gathered around the normal-sized televisions.

“They just blew up one of the Twin Towers!” someone said to me. “We’re under attack!” “No one knows who did it.”

“They’ve grounded all planes across the country.” The reporters on the screen were visibly shaken. They were talking non-stop, perhaps believing that if they didn’t stop talking then maybe it would all go away like a bad dream that wakes someone up in the middle of the night, but is lost in oblivion after falling back to sleep. It didn’t go away. This wasn’t a dream, not even of the nightmarish-type. This was real. A few minutes later the second plane hit the other tower.

The rest of the morning is a blur. The Pentagon has been hit. We are under attack. The White House has been hit. No, the White House has not been hit. We are under attack. It is rumored that a plane has crashed somewhere in Pennsylvania. Who is doing this? Why are they doing this? We are under attack. There are reports that a plane has crashed into Sears Tower in Chicago. We are at war and we don’t even know who are enemy is. Several terrorist groups around the world are claiming responsibility. 10,000 people are assumed to be dead so far. It has been confirmed that a plane crashed in Pennsylvania. Osama Bin Laden. We are under attack. Al-Queda. 5,000 people are thought to be dead. The ashes and destruction in New York City is worse than after Mt. Saint Helens erupted in 1980. All other planes have been accounted for and as far as we know no other buildings or landmarks have been attacked. 2,973 people died, mostly civilians.

We were released an hour early from work that afternoon. No one was coming to the store anyway. It felt like time had stood still and sped by at light-speed at the same time. The world, our country, our towns, our schools, had changed. Everything had changed. Barely into the 21^st Century and it had already begun more violently than the one before had ended. Do you remember?

I went to the car I drive, got in, and sat behind the steering wheel and cried for a little while. I prayed to God and asked him to be with us all and to have mercy upon us all. The events of that day were shocking, but they didn’t really surprise me. Each day that goes by brings us farther away from Eden and closer to the Apocalypse. Until Jesus returns things are just going to get worse and worse. Despite this, I was still in shock. I think everyone was.

I remember listening to the radio and listening to passionless djs and announcers suddenly come to life and begin speaking in tones and with words that if they had started doing a few days ago it would have made their ratings blow through the roof. I remember watching television as all the national leaders of the country gathered together on some stairs, held hands together, and sang a song. I think they even prayed. It was surreal. Life had been lifeless and brought death. Now that death was causing life and liveliness. I felt like I was living in a Salvador Dali painting. Do you remember?

Five years have gone by now. So much has changed, yet so much more has stayed the same. It seems like people have forgotten. Even outside of the political arena, whatever unity we had as a nation for those few brief moments five years ago has long since been broken. People continue to exist while pretending to live, while ignoring the events of Tuesday, September 11, 2001. The terror that ricocheted us into this new age is now a part of life. The cry to arms that we heard on that day is only the beginning. The enemy has been planning for this war for decades. They are prepared to fight for a century or more. Have we lost the will? Will we stay the course? Is this truly the beginning of the end, or just a few more birth pains? Have we forgotten? Perhaps some of us have, but I have not forgotten. I remember. What about you, do you remember?

In Memoriam

Steve Irwin 1962-2006
You Will Be Missed