April 2007

Books Read
Eldest By: Christopher Paolini
*Eyewitness: Acts of the Spirit By: Robert James Luedke
*Da Brudderhood of Zeeba Zeeba Eata By: Stephan Pastis
Twisted By: Laurie Halse Anderson
Last Child in the Woods By: Richard Louv
The Neverending Story By: Michael Ende
*Birth of a Nation By: Aaron McGruder, Reginald Hudlin, and Kyle Bako
A Mormon in the White House? By: Hugh Hewitt
Everything's Eventual By: Stephen King
**The Lady's Not for Burning By: Christopher Fry

Movies Viewed for the First Time
Comic Book: The Movie
Meet the Robinsons
Click
Sabotage
Dark Water
Jamaica Inn
Easy Virtue
Are We Done, Yet?
The Nutty Professor (1963)
Lonesome Dove
Jesus of Montreal

Another month has come and gone. Despite having a slightly more hetic schedule than usual that included a trip to the Chicagoland suburbs for a couple of teaching interviews and a couple of weekends spent doing a medical study to earn some extra cash, April 2007 proved to be a fruitful month of reading and movie watching. If I can keep up this pace every month for the rest of the year, I will accomplish my long-time goal of having read 100 or more books in a year at least once in my life.

Of course, three of the books I read were either graphic novels or collections of comic strips. Ten years ago I probably wouldn't consider that to really be reading myself, but the graphic novel is a bona fide genre of literature now and most English students now have taken at least one course in which graphic novels are studied prominently. I enjoyed all three of those books immensely. Eyewitness is a visual re-telling of the Biblical book of Acts tied together with a relevant modern storyline. Birth of a Nation is a story that has the City of East St. Louis ceding from the Union to form their own country after most of the city's citizens are disenfranchised during a Presidential election. It's co-written by the guy who writes the comic strip Boondocks but in my opinion is a much better and more humorous story. Da Brudderhood of Zeeba Zeeba Eata is the latest collection of Pearls Before Swine comic strips. Now that Fox Trot is no longer published daily, Pearls is the best comic strip currently in circulation; even Dilbert has recently begun ripping on some of the post-modern humor and tricks that have made Pearls such a delight.

Eldest is the second book in the "Eragon" trilogy and quite frankly was a huge disappointment. Very little action, highly derivative, and weak character development of the major protagonists. Still, it can be entertaining, but it's not as engaging as the first book.

Of all the books that I read last month, Twisted is the one that I recommend that everyone read. Especially anyone who works with pre-teen or teenage boys. For you females out there, if you've ever wondered how a teenage boy thinks, you're probably not going to find a better example. The book is disturbing at times and also illustrates how different those who don't know Jesus must live.

Last Child in the Woods has a great message about how children in America have become nature deprived and how that is affecting their behavior. At time the book slows down as it jumps from one point to another. Nevertheless, it has some highly valuable points. It's a book that I recommend anyone who has children or works with youth giving at least a surface reading to.

The Neverending Story is the novel that the movie was based upon. The book is extremely imaginative and much better than that beloved film.

A Mormon in the White House? was my attempt this past month at reading a political book. The book is about Mitt Romney, former governor of Mass. who is a 2008 Presidential candidate. If you're an independent, Republican, or conservative I suggest reading it because it basically explains everything you need to know about Romney. If you're not one of those, you probably won't want to read the book until after we know for sure who all the candidates are going to be.

Everything's Eventual is a series of 14 short stories by Stephen King. First of, I'm a big fan of King. He's a popular author and 20 years from now will be studied on a regular basis in classrooms around the country. Secondly, I love reading essays and short stories. The short story is a wonderful genre of literature, but one that is slowly dying out. It's ironic that as our collective attention spans become shortened to the size of a soundbite that the shortest form of literature (not including poetry) is on the verge of extinction. My favorite tales in the book are "The Man in the Black Suit", "In the Deathroom", "The Sisters of Eluria", "Everything's Eventual", and "Luckey Quarter". Another story in the collection, "1408" has been made into a film and will be coming soon to a movie theatre near you.

I try to read a play or screenplay at least once a month and this month's piece was The Lady's Not for Burning. The book is supposed to be a comedy written in verse similar to Shakespeare. I know there are many who love this little play by Christopher Fry. I also know that reading a play is nothing like seeing it performed on stage. Usually plays are better when seen performed, though occasionally a piece is written that reads better than when it is acted. Anyway, all I know is that I did not like this play at all. I thought the gimmick was a good one, but the overall pacing of the writing atrocious. Also, the play didn't seem very funny to me. I love Shakespeare and have acted in a couple of his plays. I was one of those weird kids in high school who became drawn to Shakespeare because of the poetic language he wrote in. However, the poetry in The Lady's Not for Burning turned me off. I found it a chore to read through the dialogue and had a difficult time of remembering which character was who.

As for movies, I had a mini-Hitchcock film fest watching three of his movies in as many days: Sabotage, Jamaica Inn, and Easy Virtue. As a hopeful future filmmaker, I have become more and more impressed by Hitchcock's master of the medium and will continue to learn more by watching his films.

Lonesome Dove is actually a 6 1/2 hour miniseries that I first saw as a kid. It's one of those things that left a definite visual impression upon my mind and I enjoyed watching it again.

The last film worth mentioning is Jesus of Montreal. The film is in French with subtitles and is about a group of Canadian actors who are hired to update a Passion play that has been performed in Montreal for many years. As the actors beginning performing, their lives begin to change and they begin reflecting their characters and the loving nature of Christ in their own day-to-day lives. It takes some time for the film to get moving and since it is a foreign picture, many people will have difficulty adjusting to that. However, it's a powerful film about redemption worth your time to watch.

That's all for now. Until next time.

Gasoline

Two years ago for the first time the average price of gasoline topped out at $2 per gallon. Gas had been selling for about $1.70 and then within a few hours spiked to above $2. I remember the time when it happened rather vividly because I was living in Edwardsville, IL at the time and doing my teaching observation in Bethalto. For about two weeks whenever I needed gas I would drive across the bridge in Alton, IL into Missouri so I could get gas that was still less than $2 a gallon. Once that station went over $2 a gallon I knew that I would probably never see gasoline that inexpensive ever again. The usual b.s. was spinned through the media about why things were so high. Everyone knew it was a bunch of b.s., but we couldn't do anything but complain. Talking heads and bad writers kept trying to tell everyone that we should keep things in perspective because in terms of inflation, gas really wasn't that expensive and it would have to go above $3 a gallon to reach the prices in terms of inflation of what gasoline cost in the early 1980s.

Five months later gasoline did spike above $3 a gallon after Hurricane Katrina hit. It stayed that way for a couple of weeks and then hovered around $2.80-$2.90 for the next six weeks. We were told that was just temporary, too, and that once the refineries ravaged by the hurricanes were once again fully operational prices would drop to their pre-Katrina rates. I knew that was a crock. It was and prices never did drop to their pre-Katrina levels. That hurricane was just an excuse because the oil companies had already busted the $2 a gallon bubble and were just itching to get prices above $3 a gallon. Oil companies posted recorded profits for the next two years. Not just one oil company, either. They all had record profits.

Now, those companies have gotten what they want again. Prices across the country are above $3 per gallon and the talking heads and spinning columnists are telling us that it's only going to get worse as summer approaches. In some parts of California and New York prices are already almost $4 per gallon.

For some people in the country this might not be much of an issue, but I believe those people are few and rare. Every time I pass a gas station, whether I'm driving, walking, or riding a bike, I check out the price of gas. Everyone I know does the same thing. I wish I lived in a culture and society where it wasn't necessary that one has to own a car to get around, but unfortunately I do. I don't live in a city or metropolitan area. I can't just hop on a train or ride the bus. Those things aren't an option for me and as appealing as certain aspects of a metropolitan lifestyle might be, I really don't want to live in a large city. Throughout time cities have been the downfall of civilizations. Therefore, I and millions of others like me or forced to drive places. Most people I know would take a different form of transportation or drive a vehicle that didn't run on gasoline if it was possible, but neither of those things are available. The gatekeepers don't think public transportation in rural areas is worth building and the few forms of alternative vehicles are way too expensive for poor hicks like me to afford.

What's more frustrating is that there really isn't much I can do about it. I've written some letters, but have heard nothing from them. I haven't been gifted with a mechanical mind, so I haven't been able to invent anything that I could use and even if I did I have no rich friends who would be able to fund the original production of such a revolutionary device. So all I can do is grit my teeth every time I pull up to the pump. Quite frankly, it's really pissing me off.

Reflection from a Day at the Zoo

Yesterday I was able to visit the St. Louis Zoo for a few hours. I haven’t been to the St. Louis Zoo in a very long time (for those of you who don’t know, the St. Louis Zoo is free so if you ever get a chance to visit, do!). Penguins are some of my favorite creatures on Earth and a few years ago the zoo installed a new Penguin and Puffin House. For whatever reasons, I never made it to the zoo and didn’t get to see the Penguin exhibit until yesterday.

Anyway, I was walking around the zoo yesterday looking not just at the penguins, but all the animals. After having worked in the Science Center at Timber-lee last year I made it a point to spend extra time in the herpetarium (reptile house) and watching the prairie dogs. I also surprised myself by how much I enjoyed strolling through the insectarium.

As I made my way through the zoo I was reminded by how fragile the world we live in is. So many creatures are on the verge of extinction. For example, did you know that there are only about 450 Siberian tigers left alive in the wild? Siberian tigers are so few in number that there are no longer tigers left in Siberian and instead of being called Siberian tigers that species is now known as Amur tigers. It’s so tragic that such a noble, fascinating, and ferocious creature might be wiped off the Earth in the next few years. What is even more tragic is that they have been killed off for fur and teeth.

Walking through the zoo reminded me of a short trip I took last week to the Chicago suburbs. I had a couple of teaching interviews in the suburbs last week. I took advantage of the journey and visited and spent the night with a best friend that I haven’t seen in nearly two years. As I was driving from one town to the next I saw a sight that made me laugh and cry at the same time. I was driving along a highway and I passed a farm with a barn and silo and small field. Surrounding the farm on three sides were all of these cookie-cutter homes that are so expensive (about $200,000) that no one I know personally could ever afford to buy one. I laughed because that single farm looked so out of place, but I cried because if I ever drive on that road again, that farm will be gone and replaced by another subdivision of ugly cookie-cutter homes or a strip mall or convenience store.

People, come on! Do we really need another convenience store or strip mall? Do we really need any more department stores? Do we really need to be ripping up land and burning natural habitats just to try planting Westernized farms that aren’t going to grow properly because the way people farm in the Midwestern U.S. doesn’t work in South America and Asia (In case you’re unfamiliar with a rhetorical question the answer to all the three questions posed is no)?

We’re killing ourselves and we don’t even realize it. Of course, I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, even though I don’t have the specifics, the Bible has given me a rough outline about how things will end. So much that I see around me affirms that. I guess that I was just shocked by how far we’ve fallen and that we are much closer to the end than I imagined.

Read This Book

Twisted by: Laurie Halse Anderson. Anyone who works with American teenage males should read this book.

The Meaning of Chicago.

My friends from the northern part of the state will probably hate me for this, but having grown up downstate Illinois most of my life I really don't care. I read a book last month that was filled with little tidbits of trivia about Illinois. The thing I most enjoyed discovering was that Chicago is named after the grass that grew in the area when white settlers first arrived. There are 39 variations of the spelling, but Chicago literally means "stinking weed".

Always the Sidekick, Never the Hero?

When I was a junior in college, I got this great idea for a novel. Actually, it started out as the name of a title. I’m an extremely introspective person. I think about myself, my friends, my family, the world, and life quite a bit and not just in artificial, superficial, surface ways that many people seem to do. The deepest thoughts that many people seem to have is what they are going to wear to work, what to eat for dinner, the score of the game last night, etc. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t think about these things, too, because I do. However, that’s not where my thoughts end. Many, many, many times these thoughts are just a small chain of the grand narrative and adventure that I see happening around me and that I am living. And even at the times that I don’t imagine that this grand narrative is taking place (which happens more often than I’d like to admit) I still feel it within me. I also like watching movies and I’ve noticed that I see events happening more in more in my life accompanied by scenes from movies (for example, when something exciting happens I keep seeing the scene from THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK when the Rebel conveys first get away and the troops cheer for joy over the announcement).

Anyway, when I was a junior in college I was thinking about my life and got this great title for a novel, Always the Sidekick, Never the Hero. I thought that title summed up my life perfectly. I was sitting in a car with a friend who was driving me back to campus from the bus stop and I told him about it. He thought it was great, too. Then I thought I would collect some stories about my life and collect them in a book for a memoir and title it that. However, the more I thought about it, the more I thought that the title would make a great title for a novel.

As the years have gone by, I realize now that my initial impression was wrong. I thought that Always the Sidekick, Never the Hero was a great title for my life, but now I realize that I was wrong. In actuality, I’ve always been the hero and never the sidekick.

I realize how egotistical and arrogant that might seem. But it’s not meant to be. I’ve been doing a lot of researching and thinking about heroes the past six months (actually the catalyst was over a year ago when I first saw Peter Jackson’s version of King Kong) and I’ve discovered some stuff I knew, but just never understood.

Until recently I always imagined heroes being tall, buff men who most people adored and whom women were constantly falling in love with. In my mind, heroes never had worries about growing old and not having anyone to share their life with. In my mind, heroes never worried about the little mundane details of life, such as what to wear to their “real” job, what to eat for dinner, and who won the big game the night before because they had other people that took care of those things for them, for example Bruce Wayne has Alfred, Beowulf has Wiglaf, etc. If a hero didn’t have someone to take care of them they were either too nerdy to care or too cool and where above petty things like that. I had always looked at sidekicks being the people who got the raw end of the deal. Sidekicks constantly live in the shadow of the hero or heroes that they serve under. They could never have a serious relationship because they were always at the bidding of the hero that they worked under. They never got any fame, wealth, or glory of their own because they were the hero’s sidekick. That’s how I used to view things. Then I saw how wrong I was.

I was confused and had gotten it all wrong for years. Heroes might get fame, but they also get all the scrutiny and criticism. Sidekicks can always just blame the hero for mistakes and never have to take responsibility. Heroes are the ones who take care of others, not the other way around. Sure Bruce Wayne has Alfred, and even though Alfred is incredibly loyal, Bruce is still the guy who pays his salary and makes sure he has a place to stay (some will argue that Alfred is the real hero of the Batman stories and I won’t argue about them with that; there’s a lot of validity to the claim). Or take Don Quixote, he loved Dulcinea and viewed her as a lady, but she didn’t return his affection. Heroes are the ones who never are able to have a serious relationship, while the sidekicks can have a girl for every day of the week if they like. Heroes don’t get much sleep. The walk around concerned not so much about their own lives but about the lives of all those around them. It’s a difficult life and a thankless job. Watch the television show Heroes when it returns in a few weeks or read some old Hal Jordan Green Lantern comics and you’ll understand. Re-watch King Kong and keep in mind that Jack Driscoll is the sidekick and King Kong is the real hero and you’ll see. No, I’ve never been a sidekick, but I’ve always been a hero.

March 2007

Books Read:
Superman/Batman Public Enemies By: Jeph Loeb, Ed McGuinness, Dexter Vines
Teach With Your Heart By: Erin Gruwell
Me, Myself, and Bob By: Phil Vischer
House of Hilton By: Jerry Oppenheimer
Loser By: Jerry Spinelli
Mirror on America Ed: Joan T. Mims & Elizabeth Nollen
Illinois: Art of the State By: Joanne Trestrail
The Diviners: A Play in Two Acts and Elegies By: Jim Leonard, Jr.*
*This work is a play.


Movies Viewed for the First Time:
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923)
The Love Bug**
300
Facing the Giants
Hell's Angels
Silent Hill
TMNT
The Brothers Grimm
The Manchurian Candidate (2004)
The Gollum
Blades of Glory
The 39 Steps
Are We There Yet?
**Originally saw this film befre I was in grade school.

From the books I read this last month the top three that I read were Me, Myself, and Bob; Loser; and The Diviners. Me, Myself, and Bob is by Phil Vischer, the guy who created VeggieTales. It's basically a memoir of his life. For those of you who don't know, Big Idea Productions (the company behind VeggieTales) went bankrupt a few years ago. The company basically grew too large too fast, took on too many big projects, and in the end faced a lawsuit from an evil distributor that forced the company into bankruptcy (the decision was later overturned). VeggieTales is now produced by a different Big Idea. Vischer doesn't hold much back and talks in depth about the failure of the company he founded and what he ended up learning from it. One of the themes that the book deals with is that sometimes we have to let our dreams die before God because sometimes we come to love our dreams more than we love God. I can relate to that. I had a dream once and God asked me to give it up. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done. It's not that our dreams aren't important, because they are. Many times our dreams come from God. It's just that the most important thing in life is loving and following God and sometimes even the best dreams can become a distraction to that and the only way God can get our attention is to have the dream die. That doesn't mean the dream will stay dead because God can resurrect those dreams in a new, different, and better way than anything we can imagine. In other words, a dream delayed is not necessarily a dream denied. (That's an original Tom Varner quote so you might want to write that down ).

Loser is an amazing piece of literature. It follows the life of a boy from just before he enters school through middle school. It is full of insights and captures the essence of the innocence and wonder of childhood; something that many of us lose as we grow older, but something that is essential to discovering the kingdom of Heaven. Jerry Spinelli is an amazing writer. He's one of my favorites and if I can write one work that is as deep and meaningful as many of his books, I will be a happy writer indeed.

Lastly in literature, there is The Diviners. It is a play that takes place in southern Indiana during the early days of the Great Depression. The story revolves around an "idiot-boy" named Buddy Layman and a former preacher who has given up preaching named C.C. Showers. It illustrates the profound friendship that can develop between a teacher and a student. It also illustrates the difficulties and tragedies that occur when wisdom and love are forced to fight with ignorance and indifference. I first saw The Diviners nearly a decade ago. I highly recommend that if you have the opportunity, go see this play. Be warned, though, it's incredibly sad.

As for movies, I don't know where to begin. Lon Chaney starred in The Hunchback of Notre Dame and it is an excellent example of how talented "The Man of a Thousand Faces" was. I love Hugo's novel and sometime I would like to make the ulimate film version of the story.

I really enjoyed 300, but it's very much a guy movie. It's all about honor, glory, and doing the right thing. Things that I know many women just can't understand. It's violent, but not as much as I was led to believe.

Facing the Giants is a great family movie that is a great example of how a movie can honor God. For a "Christian" movie, it's not too bad. The acting is pretty good and the story is well written. What I found most amazing about the movie is that it was entirely made by a church. Everyone involved was an amateur. It's one of the best all amateur films I've ever seen.

TMNT was pretty good. It was just nice to see the Turtles back on screen. The Brothers Grimm showed me once again how great a director Terry Gilliam is (he's one of only a handful of people who can use film to tell a fairy tale and do it right). I was disappointed by Blades of Glory. I've become a Will Ferrell fan, now. Blades of Glory had so much potential, but it just didn't live up.

Here's a little something of what I've learned these past few weeks: life is incredibly difficult and full of challenges and trials. You can strive your entire life to do the right thing only to be faced with one obstacle after another. The temptation to give up will be incredibly strong. Don't give up. Don't give in. As I've often told my youngest brother: never give up, never surrender. Give your best. Keep pressing on. Afterwards when you look back, you'll realize that the journey was much more fun and enjoyable because you gave it your all. Most importantly, love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. You won't regret it.

Great Quotes

"You will never be alone with a poet in your pocket."
--John Adams

"I must judge for myself, but how can I judge, how can any man judge, unless his mind has been opened and enlarged by reading."
--John Adams

"There should be no hesitation ever about giving anyone a book to enjoy, at any age. There should be no hesitation about teaching future teachers with books they will enjoy. No harm's done to history by making it something someone would want to read."
--David McCullough, "The Course of Human Events" , 2003 Jefferson Lecturer in Humanities

Spinelli Is the Man

"He comes to know how painful a minute can be, how unbearable an hour. Though he cannot put his understanding into words, he understands that time by itself is nothing, is emptiness, and that a person is not made for emptiness."
p. 82, The Loser, Jerry Spinelli
----------------------------
Jerry Spinelli is an amazing writer. He writes books marketed as young adult fiction, but don't be fooled. He really writes modern contemporary literature in the guise of young adult books.

A Little Venting.

I'm just venting here, but I'd really like to have my own classroom and teaching full time somewhere instead of substitute teaching. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity to make money and gain "experience" that future employers (aka principals, committees, etc.) will look upon fondly and hopefully help get me a teaching position. It's just that I've had a really, really bad day and I'm starting to get burned out. Maybe if I can just get that screenplay at least halfway finished by summer. Or if those darned producers will pick my application for one of those game shows or SURVIVOR.

My Favorite Movies of 2006

Last month the Oscars were held. I didn't watch them. There were several reasons for that this year, but the biggest one was that I hadn't seen any of the Best Picture nominees. Everything I've written or said about BABEL, THE DEPARTED, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, THE QUEEN, and SANDS OF IOWA JIMA was totally based off of reviews and interviews I've read and clips I've seen and general word of mouth from film critics and film reviewers I trust. I wanted to make that clear before I give my list of favorite films for last year. Another film that I didn't get to see and I wish I really had the opportunity to was PAN'S LABYRINTH. I became fascinated with the film flipping through a magazine last summer that had some pictures and a general synopsis of the story, but since I didn't see it, it won't be on the list either. So, without further ado, here are my favorite movies of 2006.

9.Talladega Nights--The film wasn't going to win any awards. I'm not even a huge fan of Will Ferrell (I like him, but Phil Hartman was more my comedian). However, I found it to be the funniest film I saw in movie theatres all year. I was quoting lines after having seen the movie once (usually it takes me a couple of viewings before I am able to quote lines like that) and in the early weeks of this current leg of substitute teaching some of those lines helped me break the ice with some students.

8.Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest--This movie was the top grossing film of the year. At one point it even looked like it might be able to dethrone Titanic from the mantle that it sits upon so undeservedly (but it didn't happen). In all honesty, the film probably isn't as good as Pirates of the Caribben: The Curse of the Black Pearl. There are moments that are clearly derivative and cliched. I was also disappointed that the film wasn't a stand alone piece. However, the movie did a great job of just being a good old fashioned high epic movie. Movies shouldn't always be made to deliver important messages or cause people to think; they're also meant to entertain (though the best films will do both).

7.Stranger Than Fiction--Fans of Will Ferrell might not actually like this movie because Will Ferrell doesn't play a usual Will Ferrell character. I really like the movie, though. It made me think about what makes life meaningful and redine my definition of a hero.

6.The Prestige--The best mystery/suspense film I saw all year (including films I watched for the first time on DVD or cable). The movie doesn't have just one twist, but two. I figured one out early on, but the other one kept me guessing. Christopher Nolan is an amazing director and he had not only a top-notch, A-list cast, but all the major actors can actully act and do a great job of it in this film. I especially enjoyed David Bowie's performance (yes, the David Bowie of music fame) as famed scientist, inventor, and rival to Edison; Nikola Tesla. Usually the simplest solution is the correct one.

5.
Lady in the Water--There were a lot of people, including many people who I often agree with in movie tastes, who did not like this movie at all. For many people, they just didn't get it. Lady in the Water is a modern day fairy tale. Plain and simple. Granted it's a bit over-the-top at times and there are certain elements that don't seem to jive upon first viewing. But, think back to when you were a kid and someone told you a bedtime story for the first time. If you had been capable of thinking about the story, there would have been lots of things that wouldn't have made sense. Sometimes that happens in fairy tales. Fairy tales aren't necessary reality. However, they are a way of understanding living, life, and how everything fits together. Also, if your a film-tech-junkie this film has some pretty impressive cinematic techniques. Shyamalan might be a control freak, but he pulls off some pretty impressive stuff that's so well done most viewers don't even realize what they've just seen.

4.Cars--upon initial release Cars was panned by critics acrossed the country and was claimed by many to be Pixar's worst movie. Some of these critics changed their tune later as the movie ended up showing in theatres until early fall, became the top-grossing animated film of the year, and was the top film of the year next to Pirates. It's easy to see why critics on the coasts hated it early on because it celebrates many of the things that we in the rest of the country love: racing, Route 66, and small towns. The movie lost the Best Animated Oscar to Happy Feet and even though I love penguins, Cars is a much better film.

3.Apocalypto--There are a lot of people who haven't seen this movie because of the sub-titles. You shouldn't let sub-titles scare you away. There are others who stayed away because the violence. Apocalypto is a violent picture, but what any basic horror picture nowadays and you'll see more blood and gore than you will here, not to mention that the violence in those pictures is completely unncessary whereas in this film its almost crucial. There are others who didn't see this film because Mel Gibson directed it. You shouldn't let that keep you away because Gibson has shown in each of the four major features that he has directed that he is an incredibly talented director. The film is in many ways a parable for our time. Parables don't just make good stories, they can also change your life.

2.Children of Men--out of all the movies I knew were being released last year, this was the one that I was anticiapting most. On a technical level, it's a masterpiece. The story is gut-wrenching. I found myself in tears at the end. There are many who would classify the movie as a tragedy of Shakespearean levels. It's not really a tragedy, because it ends in hope and in a true tragedy there can be no hope; in a true tragedy evil wins in the end. No, Children of Men is a comedy of the truest kind: one full of darkness, bleakness, violence, anguish, pain, and suffering, but in the end it fills one's heart full of faith, love, and hope.

1.United 93--the biggest surprise of the year. It's a movie about the day that changed the world forever. The performances are lifelike and real. It's the closest regular feature I've ever seen that appears to be like a documentary. The film doesn't preach a message, but illustrates how under the most distressing and horrific of circumstances ordinary people can rise up and achieve something heroic.

Honorable Mention:
As a final note, there's one movie that everyone should go see, but it's really rare to find right now. It's called Tremors 9. The movie is a horror-parody and doesn't pretend to be anything, but. I don't know if anyone will enjoy watching it, but the people making it sure seemed like they had a ball during filming.

Justin Timberlake.

Is it just me or does Justin Timberlake sound like a girl when he sings? I was riding along with my brother to the movie theatre the other day and as he was flipping through the stations he stopped at a song and said, "Guess who sings this?" I said, "I have no idea, but it sounds like a girl." He said, "Nope. It's Justin Timberlake."
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On a completely different note, at the moment one of the books I am reading is a memoir entitled ME, MYSELF, AND BOB by Phil Vischer. the guy who created VeggieTales. I highly recommend it.

Bitterness.

I've struggled with bitterness in my life before. Read a thought-provoking meditation about bitterness from Ben Witherington here.

Something or Other.

Forgive me if this all seems a little incoherent. These are just some of my thoughts I’ve been thinking about the past few days. They aren’t as structured and cohesive as I would like them to be. I don’t know if any of it will make any sense, but I learned a long time ago it helps me to write things out and I learned just a few years ago that it often helps others to read the things I’ve written.

Today I substitute taught as an aid in a special education class for students with behavior disorders. It’s in a class that I’ve worked in before. I’ve acquired many, many interesting stories from my days working there. I really didn’t want to be there today, though. My brother is home from college and we hung out last night and I didn’t get to bed until late and then it took me forever to fall asleep. I had been asleep for a little over three hours when I received the phone call asking if I could come in. I didn’t want to come in. I wanted to sleep longer. I wanted to get up late in the morning and try to do some writing until afternoon, but I’m poor and in debt and I need the money, even if I won’t see it for another month from now. So I went in. It was a hard, hard, day. It wasn’t the worst I’ve seen in my over two years of student and substitute teaching, but it’s up there in the top ten. There was so much crap that I had to shovel through that I just didn’t want to deal with, but I plowed through anyway.

I’ve been reading several books lately about teaching. Seeing that I don’t have an actual teaching position yet and I can’t afford to take graduate classes at the moment, I’ve been doing the whole self-reliance act and reading books, articles, and magazines in an attempt to “improve” my teaching (even though I don’t have a class of my own, yet).

Perhaps it’s because I had a rough day. Perhaps it’s because of the reading I’ve been doing. I’m sure part of it is because I tend to be a very self-reflective person anyway. Whatever the case, I’ve really been questioning this whole teaching thing. I look around and many of my friends and peers have successful careers and are starting families. I’ve had several conversations with several friends in the past few months who have recently bought homes. My closest friends from college are all either married or engaged. I don’t see anyway how any of those things will happen to me anytime soon. If I allow it I find myself getting jealous and that just makes it worse. So, I try to focus on the tasks at hand and be thankful, but it can be so difficult.

This was not how things were supposed to happen. Just a few scant years ago I was supposed to have moved to Orange County and started a graduate film program. At this point in my life I should have had a graduate degree in film directing and video production. I should have been living in a hip, but moderate apartment near L.A. I should have been working my way up in the film industry and be on the verge of being offered my first picture to direct. I should have had a serious girlfriend by now and be planning on when and how I was going to ask her to marry me. I should have found a literary agent by now and at least have a young adult novel on its way to being published. I should be mostly out of debt by now. This was how things were supposed to have been.

Instead I find myself struggling to earn enough cash to simply pay my bills. There’s usually just enough to go around and I know it is by the grace of God, but sometimes I find myself angry about it. Why is there never more than enough? Lines from Fiddler on the Roof (“If I were a rich man”) keep floating around my mind. I’m an “itinerant substitute teacher” moving from town to town, school to school, room to room. I usually have no idea where I’ll be from one day to the next or if I’ll even be anywhere. I’ve tried to find a part time job to help out, but most places I could work won’t have me because I can’t be reliant to work the day time hours—if I get a call to sub I’ll take it. The places that don’t care about that won’t hire me because they say “I’m overqualified”. I used to hear about that happening to people and wondered how that could be true. How can you not give a job to a person because they are “overqualified”. I still don’t understand it, but it’s happened to me several times. It can be a drain.

Yet, I do take some comfort. The nomadic existence I have both chosen and been forced to live keeps me humble. It doesn’t lessen the frustration and confusion I might feel, but it does lift my spirits somewhat.

I really have no idea where I will end up in this life. I can’t say for sure where I’ll be living in a few months. I don’t know what job or jobs I will hold and even though I feel and want to teach, I don’t even know how long that will be. I do know that despite the difficulties I face and the doubts that arise, I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing at this moment. That doesn’t make things easier either, but knowing that will allow me to sleep tonight more peacefully. Also, writing this out near the end of the day has made me feel much, much better. The panic has lifted and for now peace resides.

February 2007

Books Read:
Eragon by Christopher Paolini
If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland
Sold Out Warning by Ronnie McMullen
The Grim Grotto: Series of Unfortunate Events #11 by Lemony Snicket
America Alone by Mark Steyn
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherin Paterson
Oops: What We Learn When Our Teaching Fails Edited by Brenda Miller Power and Ruth Hubbard

Movies Viewed for the First Time:
The Happiest Millionaire
Freedom Writers
Barnyard
Mercy
Apocalypse and the Beauty Queen
Ghost Rider
Peter Pan*
Number 23
Old School
Kingdom of Heaven

February was a bit more productive for me than January 2007. However, I'm still not up to speed. Maybe it's because I'm pretty much working full time and have also been trying to do some serious writing. I don't know. Whatever the case I still didn't read as many books are see as many movies as I normally do during a month. Perhaps I'll be able to pick up the pace in March.

A few notes on some of the books I read. I really enjoyed Eragon. Yes, the novel is derivative, but all great stories are like that. Paolini tied a lot of good elements together in a unique way and brought a new variation on what is virtually a classic tale that has been rehashed throughout time (Beowulf, Wagners Ring Trilogy, or Tolkien for other examples). The paperback version of the 2nd installment of Paolini's trilogy is due in March and I plan on picking up a copy of it then and reading it. I've heard it's not as good, but I'll withhold my judgment until I read it.

I read If You Want to Write several years ago. Since I've been working on my own writing, I thought I would go back and re-read it. The book is basically one long piece of encouragement to Artists from all mediums. I really didn't remember much about it after reading it the first time and now I remember why. I don't need book-length encouragement notes. I'm looking for more practical advice and/or stories about other writers. If You Want to Write is neither.

The Grim Grotto was excellent and I'm looking forward to finishing the other two books in the series sometime soon. I really can't recommend Sold Out Warning unless you're interested in conspiracy theories and the like. The book is basically about how the Bible and UFO stories tie together. The author makes some interesting points, but I just don't buy into all of his beliefs. America Alone is worth reading, though it is written from a politically conservative spectrum. Bridge to Terabithia almost made me cry. Oops is a series of stories about teachers writing about some of their biggest failures.

As for movies, I had seen Peter Pan when I was a kid, but it was so long ago that it isn't listed on any of my lists so it was like seeing it again for the first time. Freedom Writers is a cliche-riddled movie about a teacher who is able to reach out to a group of inner-city students. I knew this and could point out all the usual devices, but it still got to me anyway. Apocalypse and the Beauty Queen is a terrible movie, but a friend of mine helped make it so we watched it at her house. Please don't waste your time doing the same. Both Ghost Rider and Number 23 were major let downs. Old School was just plain stupid. I did enjoy Kingdom of Heaven. There were points that I could obviously tell scenes had been cut out and that hurt the overall film. I know there's a directors cut available and I'm going to try to get my hands on that and see it before summer.

I don't know if I've learned much from the reading and movie-watching I've done this past month. I know that teaching is a difficult profession, but it's something I still feel called and wish to pursue. Writing is difficult, too, but if I can ever discipline myself to finish the things I start and am able to find an agent, I think I have a shot at least of getting something published. But I don't do these things for fame or glory. I do them because I like them. Until next time.

Blurb for HEROES.

I don't watch very much television. I watch SURVIVOR and THE AMAZING RACE and occasionally I am able to catch a game of JEOPARDY!. That's about it. There isn't any other shows that I watch on a regular basis. Except for one: HEROES. If you haven't seen this show, I highly recommend that you tune in the coming weeks as the first season is approaching a close (the finale will be sometime in May). I had a hunch before the new season began that HEROES was going to be The show to watch this season and I haven't been disappointed.

Take last night's episode for example. It was some of the best drama I've seen on television in a very, very long time. I'll go as far as to say that it moved me. For those who don't know, the show is about ordinary people who have discovered they have extraordinary powers. They are trying to understand what is happening to them and figure out how to use their abilities. In the meantime there are at least three different groups that are after them. One of the groups has completely good and benevolent intentions. The motivations of the other groups are unknown.

It all sounds kind of far fetched and kind of geeky, but it works extremely well. Take last night's episode, "Company Man", for example. The performance by the cast in "Company Man" is Emmy-worthy material. Actors spend their whole lives wanting to act in scenes full of powerful drama like the one last night. That happens on HEROES a lot. The show has it's roots in sci-fi, but it is grounded in reality. "Company Man" was a very important episode that illustrated many of the connections between the characters on the show. However, even if you aren't a fan of the show, you could take a lot away from the episode. In a very eloquent and meaningful way the episode dealt with issues of faith, family, and honor. It illustrated the complexity in choosing between one's duty and between doing the right thing and the consequences that happen when one is forced to choose between the two. And, as many of the other episodes this season has shown, it displayed how interconnected we really are in the world; as John Donne wrote so much better before, "No man is an island." Television doesn't get much better than that.

Cabin Fever.

There's a thunder storm going on; it's really, really cold (it might all freeze again); and I've got cabin fever.

Between Two Worlds.

The articles and links below come from a blog that I regularly read. It's called Between Two Worlds.

Browsing that blog today I came across several interesting articles today. The first two have to do with George Washington. Since it's President's Day, I think it's only fitting.

The other article I really enjoyed reading came from a guy named Ben Witherington talking about a recent discussion he had attended with Rob Bell. For those of you who don't know Bell is the pastor of a church in Minnesota (Mars Hill I believe). He's gained a reputation of being a leader of the emerging church movement. He's written a highly popular book about his faith entitled VELVET ELVIS and he has a new book coming out soon. I've quoted from Witherington's post below.

"Of course it is true that we all are sinners who fall short of the glory of God, so there is no basis for finger pointing on such issues, and everyone must in all humility deal with their own sins rather than focusing on other people's sins. A Christian approach must be that everyone is welcome to come to Christ and come into the church as they are without pre-conditions. But no one is welcome to stay as they are--- no one. They all must change, repent of their sins as needed, and strive to live in newness of life whether gay or straight." --Ben Witherington

Utah Mall Shooting

In case you haven't heard, on Monday, February 12, 2007 a Muslim teenager went into a mall in Utah and randomly starting shooting people. He killed five people and wounded four others before he was shot himself. The important thing to remember about this whole incident is that the kid was Muslim. Remember that.

Why I Hate Valentine's Day

I hate Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong. I think St. Valentine Day was a great guy. Whether he defied the Emperor and married soldiers, whether he was imprisoned because of his faith and sent a letter to the girl he fell in love with during his confinement, or whether Valentine actually did both of these, or even if Valentine was actually two men who did these things but died on the same day, I respect the ideals that St. Valentine represents. However, Valentine’s Day has very little to do with St. Valentine and it has become a day every year that I detest.

I’ll admit part of my distaste for the day is because I’m a single guy that has never had a significant other to share the day with. I see all these couples around me staring at each other and eating nice dinners and I feel jealous. It doesn’t help either that starting almost immediately after the confetti thrown at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day has hit the pavement until the midnight of February 15th I am bombarded by messages and images about Valentine’s Day, the so-called “holiday” of love. If you’re married or in a relationship, congratulations to you. However, there are millions of single people that don’t have a special person in their life. We are quite aware that we are single and we don’t need the world to constantly remind us for six weeks that we’re still single. I don’t feel I have been called to a life of singlehood and would like to be married someday. That is one of the deepest desires of my heart. But so far it hasn’t been meant to be. Currently, I am content with life, but my contentment isn’t enough for the world. Every year for six weeks I’m told repeatedly in the newspapers, on the radio, on television, on the internet, and even by some family members that if I’m not in a relationship there must be something wrong with me. That’ll cause some bitter feelings and resentment. I won’t deny it.

However, that doesn’t negate that there’s something about the whole day that is artificial and trite. If you truly love someone, there shouldn’t have to be a day each year to remind you that you love that person. If you truly love a person you should be celebrating Valentine’s Day with them throughout the year and not just on one day.

But, Valentine’s Day really isn’t about love. It’s all about money and manipulating people. It changes people. Women seem especially susceptible to the seduction. Perpetuated by greeting card, confectionary, and flower companies as well as the soft-core pornographic paperback novels they read, women come to believe that if their husband or boyfriend doesn’t do something special for them on Valentine’s Day then he doesn’t love them. “He’ll send flowers. He’ll get me that ring I’ve been wanting. He’ll take me out somewhere nice for dinner. If he really cared he’ll do this or that.” Women have been seduced into connecting their self-worth with this created “holiday”. Good men want to please their wives and girlfriends and because of their love for the women in their lives they go along with it. The gifts and messages and nice dinners are meant to be an expression of love but are really just duties performed out of doting affection and the hope of a bedroom treat later.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, but by buying into what the culture has presented us, it has very little to do about love at all.

That’s why I hate Valentine’s Day.

Comic Strips

Comic strips don't get the appreciation they deserve as an art form. So much skill and talent goes into creating a strip. They are usually either funny or deeply personal and sometimes both and if nothing else they are amusing. In a few panes a comic strip expresses what people like me take pages to put into words. Comic strips are hundreds of times shorter than a full-fledged comic book. And they are free everyday (unless you buy the collection books). Here are two comics in today's (2/2/07) paper that I related to.

This is me and my life.


Someday this will be happening to me.

January 2007

In honor of Nick Hornby, I'm going to try something different. This might be a one-time thing, it might turn into a regular feature. I don't know. Anyway. At the end of every month I'm going to list the books I read that month and the movies I saw for the first time. There will probably be some short comments as well. Hornby does this in a column for some magazine he writes for and he's gotten two books out of it so far. So, here's my January 2007.

Books Read:
Brainiac by Ken Jennings
Teacher Man by Frank McCourt

January was a slow month for me, reading wise. The first two weeks I didn't read any books (not including the usual newspaper, magazine, blogs, etc.). The first book I finished was Brainiac. It's written by Ken Jennings, the guy who won 74 games on Jeopardy! The book does tells part of Jenning's Jeopardy! story, but it's really a book that explores the history of trivia. I really liked it.

The other book I read was Frank McCourt's Teacher Man. McCourt won the Pulitzer Prize about 8 years ago for his memoir Angela's Ashes. That book is amazing and I highly recommend it. McCourt had an incredibly bleak childhood, but his writing style is so humorous and witty. Teacher Man is his 3rd book and is written in the same style as his first two. It's also a memoir, but it deals more in-depth with his thirty-year teaching career. I love McCourt's writing (he's a beautiful storyteller), but I took even more away from the book because I, too, am an English teacher.

Movies Viewed for the First Time:
The Pursuit of Happyness
The Mothman Prophecies
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time
Children of Men
United 93

I didn't watch many movies in January 2007 either. Normally I see between 10-15 movies for the first time during a month. In January 2007 I only managed seeing five. I enjoyed The Pursuit of Happyness. It's basically an inspiring film about overcoming adversity. Will Smith and his son have a great relationship though and it is their bond that makes the movie so touching.

I watched The Mothman Prophecies because I thought it was going to be about the Silver Bridge accident in 1967 that killed 26 people. If you've ever heard about the Mothman stories, you might want to check the film out, but besides that I'd stay away. It wasn't that good and having Richard Gere involved made it even worse.

Cindrella III: A Twist in Time was sent to me to review. It's okay and better than many direct-to-DVD films I've seen. However, it still had no business being made.

Children of Men. Amazing. Go see this movie. The bleak and depressing tone jars one's soul, but the movie is full of hope. Finally, I watched United 93 for the first time this month. Since the end of April I had been hearing from all sorts of sources how good the film was. Unfortunately it never came out in a theatre close enough for me to get to so I had to wait and watch the copy I bought my mom for Christmas. United 93 has largely been ignored during the award season, but it is, in my opinion, the best film of 2006. No preaching. Just a realistic depiction of one story of millions that happened on Sept. 11, 2001.

And what did I learn this path month from my reading and movie watching endeavors? The biggest thing is a message that I have been seeing repeated over and over and over the past few months. I don't know if it's something that God is trying to drill into because of what is going on in my life or if it's a prophetic message for all of us because of some dark days that might be ahead. Whatever the case, the message is this: no matter how dark, bleak, and dreary things may get, never give up because no matter how horrible things are, hope remains.

About the Academy Award Nominations.

About a week ago, nominations for the Academy Awards were announced. As a huge film buff and possibly future star and filmmaker, I would like to take a few minutes to comment on the nominations.

There wasn't any reason to nominate anyone else than Forest Whitaker because he's going to win Best Actor by a landslide. Christian Bale should have been nominated and would have been a contender, but the Hollywood establishment didn't even recognize him.

There also wasn't any reason to nominate anyone other than Helen Mirren because she's already locked in as the winner for Best Actress. I haven't seen THE QUEEN, but apparently there isn't a female performance out there that can compare to Mirren's portrayal of Elizabeth II.

Paul Greengrass should win the Best Director award for UNITED 93, but the award will probably go to Martin Scorsese because he has never won before and Marty's not getting any younger.

As for Best Picture the five films nominated were:
BABEL, THE DEPARTED, LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, THE QUEEN.

Out of all of those the only film that actually even deserves a nomination is THE DEPARTED. Hollywood likes to have a little quirky film as part of the race, so I can understand LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. As for the other three, I just don't get it. Until BABEL was nominated, I hadn't heard much positive about it. LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA is an attempt to be politically correct since it's a WWII movie told from the side of the Japanese but TORA, TORA, TORA did it better over twenty years ago and FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS is probably the better of Eastwood's two films from the past year. Helen Mirren is remarkable in THE QUEEN so her performance rightly deserves a Best Actress Award, but that doesn't mean the movie deserves a Best Picture nomination.

There are at least two films that should have been nominated. The biggest glaring omission is UNITED 93. Until about the start of November UNITED 93 was on everyone's Best Picture list. I don't know what happened in two months to change people's minds so much, but UNITED 93 should have been nominated. It's the best picture of 2006 hands down. The other blatant omission is APOCALYPTO. If anyone but Mel Gibson had been responsible for APOCALYPTO, it would have been nominated for every award in town. However, because Mel's behind it, no one wants to recognize it for the masterful achievement that it is. I know that some will ask me, what would be the other film I would rather see in the fifth slot. To be honest, I'm not sure. I just saw CHILDREN OF MEN and loved it. That would probably be my choice. Although, I've heard a lot of good comments about BLOOD DIAMOND and DREAMGIRLS, so they would have been worthy contenders, too. Even CARS would have been better than some of the other films nominated (CARS might not be the Best Picture of the year, but it is the Best Animated Picture and will win that, but it is better than some of the other nominees).

I'll be making my own favorite film list of 2006 in the near future. Keep reading and stay tuned.

Jesus Was a Jew: A Lesson in Anti-Semitism

I was subbing in a classroom the other day where every student had a behavior disorder. I’ve subbed in the class before, so I was familiar with most of the students. However, there was one student who I had never seen before. Apparently he had been in jail for over six months for a variety of crimes. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but the student was also extremely racist. In the afternoon all of us: the students, the teacher, the extra aid, and myself; gathered together for a little meeting. Someone in the class had written racist names in the backroom blackboard wall. During the course of the conversation, the student I had never seen before became highly agitated and started cursing and making comments. He also threatened another student in the class. Before he was removed from the room, he was yelling at the other student and his remarks were like, “You better tell that little fucker to shut up. See, he’s not talking to me now. What’s he doing now? Praying. Go ahead and pray to your Jewish God. Your fucking Jewish God. I don’t believe in God. Fucking Jewish bitch God. Think your God’s going to save you? There’s no God here. You’re God’s not going to save you. Fucking Jewish God. That no good Jew God.” The other student who he was yelling at wasn’t even speaking and the student isn’t Jewish. The teacher, the other aid, and myself were all a little bit stunned afterwards. In the less than five minutes the student had been ranting he had spewed forth more virulent racism than I have ever encountered before in my life. I’ve known people who are racist and I’ve actually been a victim of racism myself. But I’ve never seen a young person vomit such verbal hatred in such a short time.

Thinking about the incident later that day, I remembered something significant. Jesus was a Jew. Therefore, I guess that technically I follow a Jewish God. Having been raised in a Christian home, when I was a kid I never thought much about Jesus’ Jewishness. I guess I viewed Jesus like everyone else did, the son of a Christian God. Jesus is the foundation of my faith. He was a Christian in the purest sense of the name. It wasn’t until about twelve years ago when I was introduced to a book by Phillip Yancey entitled The Jesus I Never Knew that I thought about, considered, and accepted Jesus’ Jewishness. It’s something I’ve studied more sense then and I now accept it without any reservations.

However, thinking about yesterday’s events I realized that the way I felt in class yesterday is the way the Jewish people have been treated for thousands of years. Jews and Christians share common traditions and parts of faith, but they aren’t the same faiths. Nevertheless, there are similarities. As far as I know, I’ve never done or said anything anti-Semitic and I’ve tried to treat Jewish people the same way that I treat everyone else. I’ve read about and studied anti-Semitism, but yesterday I discovered what anti-Semitism feels like. It’s not a very good feeling, but I’m glad that I know.

Substitute Teaching in TEACHER MAN

"A failed everything. I looked for my place in the world. I became an itinerant substitute teacher, drifting from school to school. High schools called me for day-to-day work to replace sick teachers. Some schools needed me when teachers were called for long spells of jury duty. I was assigned classes in English or whatever a teacher was needed: biology, art, physics, history, mathematics. Substitute teachers like me floated somewhere on the fringes of reality. I was asked daily, And who are you today?" --Frank McCourt, TEACHER MAN, p. 178
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That is a pretty accurate description of how I feel right now.

Hope Remains.

I don't know how many people who read my writings here pay attention to the news, but there's a local story that's gaining a lot of national and even international media coverage that I felt I should mention here. On Friday, police and FBI found Ben Ownby, a 13 year old boy who had been abducted five days earlier, in an apartment in Kirkwood, MO (St. Louis suburb). Unbelievably, in the same apartment they also discovered Shawn Hornbeck, a boy who had been abducted almost five years ago when he was 11 years-old. Finding Ownby alive days after his disappearance was a blessing, but finding Hornbeck was a double blessing. The day after the discovery of the boys, the St. Louis Post Dispatch was headlined "A MIRACLE!" I can think of no other way to describe the rescue of the two boys. There are a lot of strange things about the case and as more facts are discovered, the case will become even more bizarre. I'm writing about this here because it's re-opened my eyes to a couple things.

One, I'm going to pay more attention to posters and milk cartons that have pictures of missing children on them. When I was a kid and until about half way through high school, I used to memorize those things when I would see them. Maybe it was because I watched too many episodes of UNSOLVED MYSTERIES or had seen the movie about Michael Walsh's kidnapped son one too many times. I grew up in a small town, a fairly safe town, a town that feels like something Normal Rockwell would have painted. I never had any reason to feel unsafe, but as a kid, I had a lingering dread that I would be kidnapped. When I got older that fear was replaced by the fear that could happen to my siblings. I don't remember when I stopped paying attention to missing kid flyers. I guess it was sometime in high school. This case has shown me that I need to pay attention to those things again.

The other thing I've been shown has to do with hope. Hope is a precious thing, so precious that it's one of those things that's really hard to define. Hope isn't optimism and it isn't trust, though it is tied to and similar to both of those. Hope is something unique. The world needs more hope. I wish I could say that I'm always a hopeful person, but I'm not. I've lost some hope in my life. I used to be a very hopeful person. I'm still the guy who tries to see the best in every situation. I'm a very forgiving person. I'm very easy going and amiable. However, I'm not as hopeful as I used to be. I've been battered and bruised on the journey of life. Idealist thoughts of naive youth have been replaced by the knowledge of realism. Life is hard and difficult. Sometimes very good things happen to bad people and that quite often very bad things happen to really good people. People are in pain and suffering the world over and things are just going to get worse. I see and hear people's dreams dying on the vine because of the harsh heat of life bearing down. I've lost some hope in my life, but a few days ago I gained some of it back. Two young men who had been kidnapped in friendly neighborhoods close to home were found. Like many, three days after Ben Ownby was abducted, I assumed that he was dead in a ditch somewhere. As for Shawn Hornbeck, I thought his body was lost in the Mighty Miss. The rescue of those two children proved me wrong. Yes, the world can be a terrible place and we shouldn't fool ourselves into believing that things are going to drastically improve any time soon (only Christ's return will do that). Pandora's box might be opened, but hope remains. Hope remains.
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On Friday I did something eccentric. I rented a car and drove to Springfield, Missouri to audition for SURVIVOR. I've applied for every show except the first two seasons and have only missed one episode in 13 seasons. I don't know why I'm so drawn to that show, but I am. It's an amazing, though exceedingly challenging game. I just want an opportunity to play. So, I've sent in tape after tape after tape (sometimes more than one). Last Friday I had a chance to audition in person and I took it. It's kind of crazy, but I am kind of a wild and crazy guy. I probably won't make the cut, but that's okay because hope remains.

Something About Shadows

The past few days I have been feeling really down. The car I drive, which in reality is tied to my livelihood in this plane, has a small problem (just a tiny part that is going bad) that can be fixed, but getting it fixed will require the removal of the transmission and a buttload of money that I just don’t have. Over a year after spending years back in school so I could teach in public schools and over a decade of interviews and half of century of applications, I still haven’t gotten a teaching job and am barely scraping by substitute teaching. I’ve never had a girlfriend because, mainly, every woman I’ve ever seriously contemplated beginning a relationship with has rejected me in one form or another, including my most recent failed attempt a few days ago. To top it all off, I’m currently residing back in the hometown of my roots, a place I have a deep affection tampered with scorn for. By most wordly standards (I have overcome the education gap), I am a loser. Even by the standards of those within the Church, I ain’t doing too hot.

Normally, I don’t allow myself to think about such things very often, but the last few days I have been. Combined with the mundane rituals of daily life, it became too much for me last night. I hadn’t gone running yesterday (something I have been doing 3-4 nights a week), so I took a very long walk instead.

It was a very long walk. I had a lot to think about. I had a lot to talk about with God. About halfway through the walk I took I noticed something. As I was walking I noticed that there were three shadows following me. I stopped and kind of laughed because I realized that all three shadows were my own shadows. Usually when I see a shadow of myself, there is one. On occasion there are two, but this is the first time I ever recall seeing three shadows. I’m sure it has happened before, but it’s the first time I ever noticed it; three shadows of myself at three different angles and locations on the ground, mimicking my every move. As I looked at the shadows I was reminded of the unseen war that we are all engaged in. It’s so easy to forget that. It’s so easy just to get busy with living and life that you forget about everything else. I don’t think God ever intended for us to worry about that unseen battle constantly. He wants us to live an abundant life and it’s very difficult to do that when you are consumed about every evil force behind every action, word, and thought. Yet, we are supposed to know it goes on and though we shouldn’t be consumed by it, we should be aware. After all, this is just a shadowlands that we live in right now. I forget about that sometimes and I was glad to be reminded.

Film Review

Below is a movie review I wrote for a local paper two weeks ago.
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Set against the backdrop of a lush and lively jungle landscape, Apocalypto is a film about the death of an empire, the fall of a civilization, the salvation of a family, and one man’s struggle against fear. The film opens with a group of hunters from a small village chasing a tapir. One of the leaders of the hunt is the protagonist of the film, Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood). The next morning Jaguar Paw’s village is attacked and invaded by the warriors from the city of stone. Jaguar Paw hides his pregnant wife and young son in a hole in the ground, but is himself taken captive. The captives are brought to the city of stone and along the way a diseased-stricken girl prophesizes the destruction of the Mayan empire because of their sins: slavery, human sacrifice, the raping of the Earth, etc. In the city, the women captives are sold as slaves and the men are dragged to a pyramid to be sacrificed. Through a strange turn of events, Jaguar Paw’s life is spared and he is able to escape. Chased by a group of savage warriors, he rushes through the jungle in an attempt to rescue his family before the rains fall and drown them.

Apocalypto is one of the best films I have seen this year. It is a violent film. There are also some minor historical inaccuracies and the film is subtitled because the characters speak in a Mayan dialect. Nevertheless, these minor flaws take nothing away from the power of the film.

The cinematography is brilliant. The people, animals, and vegetation seem almost three-dimensional. The scenery in the film is more vivid than any nature documentary that I have ever seen.

The acting is quite remarkable, especially considering the film’s location and the challenge of speaking in an almost dead language. The central characters are rich and deep. Watching the movie, a person becomes entangled in the lives of Jaguar Paw and his friends and family. Much of that is because of the acting, but some of it is because of the writing and directing, too.

The storytelling uses everything from the Biblical Book of Revelation and the story of the Tower of Babel to epic Greek poems such as The Illiad to popular movie heroes such as John Rambo in First Blood as allusions and references to firmly cement the film in our own cultural heritage.

The story is not only engaging, but it is a powerful parable, too. We might not, yet, live in a culture and society that is as violent as the Mayans, but we are guilty of many of the same sins. We enslave people by not paying them decent wages for the jobs they perform and by paying powerful executives money they don’t deserve, we sacrifice our children upon an alter called choice, and we rape the Earth in almost the same ways as the urban Mayans do in Apocalypto. Like the city-dwelling Mayans in the film, we often choose to not only ignore what we do but the consequences of those actions as well. This chosen ignorance means little because the results of those actions remain, reminding us of our sin and folly.

Apocalypto is a violent movie. For example, men have their throats slit, people are beheaded, priests rip out peoples’ hearts, heads literally roll down stairs, and a man has his face chewed off by a jaguar. It’s all very bloody and slightly gory, yet it’s not anywhere near as violent or gory as movies such as Hostel or Saw III. Also, unlike those films, violence in Apocalypto isn’t useless; it serves a purpose.

Containing magnificent acting, brilliant direction, and amazing cinematography, as well as a plot that serves as a powerful parable for our time, Apocalypto is one of the best movies of 2006.

Some Thoughts From Bono

Here are some quotes from Bono from a book I recently read.

"Never trust a performer, performers are the best liars. They lie for a living. You're an actor, in a certain sense. But a writer is not a liar." p. 42

Great quote, but for me it causes a dilemma because I'm both an actor and writer. I guess I must be a better writer because I'm not a very good liar unless I'm acting.
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"A rock star is someone with a hole in his heart almost the size of his ego." p. 128

If only more rock stars and entertainers were open about this. Many are so close to the Truth, yet not close enough. There's a reason pride is the deadliest of sins.
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"So I can live without happiness. If that's the price of fame, good riddance! Joy on the other hand, is not up for sale. And my joy comes from a completely different place." p. 346

The difference between happiness and joy. Learn the difference and live it and your life will improve drastically.
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Whatever you think of U2 and Bono, you've got to give the guy credit: he tries to use his celebrity in a positive way to help the poor and make the world a better place. By the way, he's a Christian, too.

Some Final Musings About Incidents That Happened Three Weeks Ago.

It's an experience to shave by candlelight. It's an experience that I wouldn't suggest trying, but a different experience nonetheless.
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Reading by candlelight isn't that bad. Abe Lincoln used to do it all the time. It's not that different than reading in the dark with a flashlight. This is something I suggest people try at least once in their lives. However, try to make sure that you have a source of heat nearby other than the candle, because reading by candlelight while holding on to a blanket that is keeping you from freezing is very difficult to do.
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My father might not be a very intelligent man, but he is incredible nonetheless. I respect him even more than I did just a month ago. He lives every moment as a Gethsemane and doesn't even realize it.
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Parents worry about their children. Children relieve their parents anxieties through the peace they have. If children have no peace, parents have none either.
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Driving a car that looks like a light-blue golf ball isn't all that bad.

A Little Something About Worry

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

I’m usually a pretty easy-going person. Even though I plan and try to prepare for things (I am an Eagle Scout after all), the above verse became more significant to me a couple weeks ago. About two weeks ago at 4am I was awaken by a large, thundering sound. Everything outside was covered in ice and since 9:30pm that night tree branches and power lines had been falling. The sound of thunder that jolted me away from my peaceful slumber was the sound of part of a tree falling and landing outside. The tree landed right in front of the house and part of it was lying on my car. We could barely open the front door. Taking my Mag Lite, I went outside and investigated the car. It didn’t look like any of the windows were damaged, but I did see that some power lines were entangled with the tree. I came back into the house and crawled under the covers and went back to sleep.

In the morning we went outside and accessed as much of the damage as we could. In falling down, not only did the tree knock some electric lines down, it also ripped the phone box out of the side of the house. I really couldn’t see how damaged the car was because the tree was lying on top of it. I needed to see how bad things were because that car is my only form of transportation. We had some people who could cut the tree, but they were going to touch it until the power lines were out of the way. The phone company was also contacted, but they said they couldn’t do anything until the tree was moved. So, everything depended upon the power company coming and getting the line off the top of the car and out of the tree limbs. They had already been called at 4:30am when the ginormous piece of lumber first fell. I called them later that evening just to make sure.

Two days later I was still in the same predicament. The electric company was called again and I was told that crews were on the way and everything was being done as quickly as it could. It was frustrating because I had cleared all the debris I could and there really wasn’t anything else I could do. Living without electricity was challenging, but was something that could be dealt with. But we couldn’t move the power line ourselves and we couldn’t do anything else until that was taken care of. It wouldn’t be until a total of 4, almost 5 days had past before some people from the electric company came and moved the wires. Electricity wasn’t restored until a day after that (though I know some places went a total of 10 days without).

In that time, the verse from Matt. 6:34 became a very real and tangible part of my life. It would have been so easy just to get upset and mad about everything, but I didn’t. There was enough in each day itself to do that I couldn’t worry about tomorrow. I tried to live the days moment by moment. After doing everything that could be done and waiting for electricity return, I did have a sense of calm I had not expected. Sure it was frustrating at times, but the justifiable anger and rage that I could have felt, I did not. There was enough trouble in just trying to stay warm and keep busy without worrying about things I had no control over. It might not be easy to do, but taking things moment by moment and day by day sure beats incessantly worrying about things beyond your control.