Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Dragon's Teeth and the Internet

Once upon a time there was a boy. The boy had great dreams, dreams of changing the world into a better place. But the boy wasn't just a dreamer: he had the potential to achieve those dreams. Not only that, but he was a young lad of action and began following a path that would allow his dreams to become a reality. The boy grew up and become greatly admired and respected. He became a young man both loved and envied by all those around him. The boy, now a young man, went off and did some pretty extraordinary things. He left his surroundings and saw parts of the world that people from his home had never even knew existed. Somehow during his journey, the young man became a hero.

But, he never wanted to be a hero. The life of a hero is hard. The life of a hero is difficult. The life of a hero is lonely. The life of a hero always ends heartache and death. The life of a hero is not something he wanted, but it became the life he lived. He traveled from town to town, from place to place, from one world to another. Always doing good. Always helping others.

One day the hero met a beautiful woman. Red flowing hair, green enchanting eyes, buxom body. She looked like an Irish queen. The woman enchanted the hero and before he knew it the woman was trying to literally steal his heart by ripping it out of his chest. He pulled out an M-16 and blew her away. Moments later a red dragon came out of nowhere, roasted him with his fire-breath, and swallowed him whole.

Dragons might be ancient, but they can be really dumb sometimes. Dragons should always remember that if you swallow someone whole, you should make sure they are dead first. Otherwise, you'll end up with something much worse than heartburn. Such was the case with the dragon who swallowed the hero. Moments later as he was flying through the sky, he began to convulse and fell to the ground dead. Seconds after that, the hero ripped his way through the skin of the dead dragon. He was burned a little, but the dragons blood had mysteriously healed his wounds. The hero then took his trusty Swedish Army knife and cut out the dragons heart and ate it raw. Then he went up to the dragons eyes, plucked those out and ate them too. Next he began plucking out all the dragon's teeth. All total there were 58.

The hero went to the local library and began listing the dragon's teeth on Ebay. He kept 6 for himself, but sold the rest. His auction of dragon teeth fetched him a profit of over $10,000,000 (dragon teeth are so rare to find nowadays). The hero paid a contracter to build him his dream house. Then he went out to Hollywood, hired a camera crew, and filmed a small independent film. The film became the biggest undergrown success in movie history. The hero started his own studio (Stronghold Studios). He wrote some books and hit the lecture circuit. With all his fame and fortune, he went to the girl he loved, the girl who kept rejecting his proposals for various reasons, proposed to her. She said yes. They flew to the Virgin Islands and were married. On that same day, the hero retired from being a hero because he finally got the girl and he didn't want it all to end in death. And in the end, the hero and his wife had many other adventures and lived happily ever after.

Moral of the story: Real dragon teeth can net you a fortune on the Internet.

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